A4 tyres

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everything from the buffet table. They move to wherever they are comfortable, and sit with whoever they choose. Provide trays so your guests will not spill everything all over your house from
carrying too much, nor will they have to make 10 trips back and fourth from the service stations.
Roast Leg of Amputee
By all means, substitute lamb or a good beef roast if the haunch it is in any way diseased. But sometimes surgeons make mistakes, and if a healthy young limb is at hand, then don?t hesitate to cook it to perfection!
1 high quality limb, rack, or roast Potatoes, carrot Oil celery onions green onions parsley garlic salt, pepper, etc 2 cups beef stock
Marinate meat (optional, not necessary with better cuts). Season liberally and lace with garlic cloves by making incisions, and placing whole cloves deep into the meat. Grease a baking pan, and fill with a thick bed of onions, celery, green onions, and parsley. Place roast on top with fat side up. Place uncovered in 500° oven for 20 minu
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about another hour.
Pro-Choice Po-Boy
Soft-shelled crabs serve just as well in this classic southern delicacy. The sandwich originated in New Orleans, where an abundance of abortion clinics thrive and hot French bread is always available.
2 cleaned fetuses, head on 2 eggs 1 tablespoon yellow mustard 1 cup seasoned flour oil enough for deep frying 1 loaf French bread Lettuce tomatoes mayonnaise, etc.
Marinate the fetuses in the egg-mustard mixture. Dredge thoroughly in flour. Fry at 375° until crispy golden brown. Remove and place on paper towels.
Holiday Youngster
One can easily adapt this recipe to ham, though as presented, it violates no religious taboos against swine.
1 large toddler or small child, cleaned and de-headed Kentucky Bourbon Sauce (see index) 1 large can pineapple slices Whole cloves
Place him (or ham) or her in a large glass baking dish, buttocks up. Tie with butcher string around and across so that he looks like he?s crawling. Glaze, then arrange pineapples and secure with cloves. Bake uncovered in 350° oven till thermometer reaches 160°.
Cajun Babies
Just like crabs or crawfish, babies are boiled alive! You don?t need silverware, the hot spicy meat comes off in your hands.
6 live babies 1 lb. smoked sausage 4 lemons whole garlic 2 lb. new potatoes 4 ears corn 1 box salt crab boil
Bring 3 gallons of water to a boil. Add sausage, salt, crab boil, lemons and garlic. Drop potatoes in, boil for 4 minutes. Corn is added next, boil an additional 11 minutes. Put the live babies into the boiling water and cover. Boil till meat comes
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as with packaged crawfish, crab, or headless baby). Flour oil onions bell peppers garlic salt, pepper, etc. 3 cups chicken stock 2 sticks butter 3 tablespoons oil
First stuff the heads, or make the patties (see index) then fry or bake. Set aside to drain on paper towels. Make a roux with butter, oil and flour, brown vegetables in the roux, then add chicken stock and allow to simmer for 20 minutes. Add the patties or stuffed heads, and some loose crawfish, lobster, long piglet, or what have you. Cook on low for 15 minutes, then allow it to set for at least 15 minutes more. Serve over steamed rice; this dish is very impressive!
Stuffed Cabbage Rolls
Babies really can be found under a cabbage leaf - or one can arrange for ground beef to be found there instead.
8 large cabbage leaves 1 lb. lean ground newborn human filets, or ground chuck Onions peppers celery garlic soy sauce salt pepper, etc Olive oil breadcrumbs Tomato Gravy (see index)
Boil the cabbage leaves for 2 minutes to soften. In skillet, brown the meat in a little olive oil, then add onions, peppers, and celery (all chopped finely) and season well. Place in a large bowl and cool. Add seasoned breadcrumbs and a little of the tomato gravy, enough to make the mixture pliable. Divide the stuffing among the cabbage leaves then roll. Place seam down in a baking pan. Ladle tomato gravy on top, and bake at 325° for 30 - 45 minutes.
Umbilical Cordon Bleu
Nothing is so beautiful as the bond between mother and child,
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adapt this recipe to ham, though as presented, it violates no religious taboos against swine.
1 large toddler or small child, cleaned and de-headed Kentucky Bourbon Sauce (see index) 1 large can pineapple slices Whole cloves
Place him (or ham) or her in a large glass baking dish, buttocks up. Tie with butcher string around and across so that he looks like he?s crawling. Glaze, then arrange pineapples and secure with cloves. Bake uncovered in 350° oven till thermometer reaches 160°.
Cajun Babies
Just like crabs or crawfish, babies are boiled alive! You don?t need silverware, the hot spicy meat comes off in your hands.
6 live babies 1 lb. smoked sausage 4 lemons whole garlic 2 lb. new potatoes 4 ears corn 1 box salt crab boil
Bring 3 gallons of water to a boil. Add sausage, salt, crab boil, lemons and garlic. Drop potatoes in, boil for 4 minutes. Corn is added next, boil an additional 11 minutes. Put the live babies into the boiling water and cover. Boil till meat comes off easily with a fork.
Oven-Baked Baby-Back Ribs
Beef ribs or pork ribs can be used in this recipe, and that is exactly what your dinner guests will assume! An excellent way to expose the uninitiated to this highly misunderstood
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and cracked pepper. Serve with spinach salad, macaroni and cheese (homemade) and iced tea...
Spaghetti with Real Italian Meatballs
If you don?t have an expendable bambino on hand, you can use a pound of ground pork instead. The secret to great meatballs, is to use very lean meat.
1 lb. ground flesh; human or pork 3 lb. ground beef 1 cup finely chopped onions 7 - 12 cloves garlic 1 cup seasoned bread crumbs ½ cup milk, 2 eggs Oregano basil salt pepper Italian seasoning, etc. Tomato gravy (see index) Fresh or at least freshly cooked spaghetti or other pasta
Mix the ground meats together in a large bowl, then mix each of the other ingredients. Make balls about the size of a baby?s fist (there should be one lying around for reference). Bake at 400°for about 25 minutes - or you could fry them in olive oil. Place the meatballs in the tomato gravy, and simmer for several hours. Serve on spaghetti. Accompany with green salad, garlic bread and red wine.
Newborn Parmesan
This classic Sicilian cuisine can easily be turned into Eggplant Parmesan If you are planning a vege
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incisions, and placing whole cloves deep into the meat. Grease a baking pan, and fill with a thick bed of onions, celery, green onions, and parsley. Place roast on top with fat side up. Place uncovered in 500° oven for 20 minutes, reduce oven to 325°. Bake till medium rare (150°) and let roast rest. Pour stock over onions and drippings, carve the meat and place the slices in the au jus.
Bisque ΰ l?Enfant
Honor the memory of Grandma with this dish by utilizing her good silver soup tureen and her great grandchildren (crawfish, crab or lobster will work just as well, however this dish is classically made with crawfish).
Stuffed infant heads, stuffed crawfish heads, stuffed crab or lobster shells; make patties if shell or head is not available (such as with packaged crawfish, crab, or headless baby). Flour oil onions bell peppers garlic salt, pepper, etc. 3 cups chicken stock 2 sticks butter 3 tablespoons oil
First stuff the heads, or make the patties (see index) then fry or bake. Set aside to drain on paper towels. Make a roux with butter, oil and flour, brown vegetables in the roux, then add chicken stock and allow to simmer for 20 minutes. Add the patties or stuffed heads, and some loose crawfish, lobster, long piglet, or what have you. Cook on low for 15 minutes, then allow it to set for at least 15 minutes more. Serve over steamed rice; this dish is very impressive!
Stuffed Cabbage Rolls
Babies really can be found under a cabbage leaf - or one can arrange for ground beef to be found there instead.
8 large cabbage leaves 1 lb. lean ground newborn human filets, or ground chuck Onions peppers celery garlic soy sauce salt pepper, etc Olive oil breadcrumbs Tomato Gravy (see index)
Boil the cabbage leaves for 2 minutes to soften. In skillet, brown the meat in a little olive oil, then add onions, peppers, and celery (all chopped finely) and season well.
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onions 7 - 12 cloves garlic 1 cup seasoned bread crumbs ½ cup milk, 2 eggs Oregano basil salt pepper Italian seasoning, etc. Tomato gravy (see index) Fresh or at least freshly cooked spaghetti or other pasta
Mix the ground meats together in a large bowl, then mix each of the other ingredients. Make balls about the size of a baby?s fist (there should be one lying around for reference). Bake at 400°for about 25 minutes - or you could fry them in olive oil. Place the meatballs in the tomato gravy, and simmer for several hours. Serve on spaghetti. Accompany with green salad, garlic bread and red wine.
Newborn Parmesan
This classic Sicilian cuisine can easily be turned into Eggplant Parmesan If you are planning a vegetarian meal. Or you could just as well use veal - after all, you have to be careful - Sicilians are touchy about their young family members...
6 newborn or veal cutlets Tomato gravy (see index) 4 cups mozzarella, 1cup parmesan, 1cup romano Seasoned bread crumbs mixed with parmesan romano salt pepper oregano garlic powder chopped parsley Flour eggwash (eggs and milk) Peanut oil for frying.
Pound the cutlets. Dredge in flour, eggs, then the bread crumb mixture. Fry till golden brown in 350° peanut oil. In a baking pan, place a layer of gravy, then one of meat, gravy, and cheese. Another layer each of meat, gravy, and cheese. Then bake at 350° for 45 minutes. Serve on hot pasta with romano cheese.
Southern Fried Small-fry
Tastes like fried chicken, which works just as well. In fact you may want to practice cutting up whole chickens for frying before you go for the real thing. Whole chicken is much more efficient and inexpensive than buying pieces.
1 tiny human, cut into pieces 2 cups flo
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"Glenn Richards" wrote

FYI... the A4s sold in the US come with 215/55/16 tires standard mounted on 16x7 rims. You might want to try that.
Cheers,
Pete
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Not true.
MY 01 came with 15"s stock.
I have since replaced them with 18s thank you very much.
http://AudiA4.OsiTech.Net
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"AustinMini.OsiTech.Net" wrote

In the US, the B6 A4 3.0 came with 16" stock. On other versions (1.8T) it was an option, as was 17".
By "standard" I meant that this particular size I mentioned (215/55/16x7) was offered by Audi itself, so it definitely works.
Cheers,
Pete
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Your info is out of date. That was true of pre-2003 A4's.
All current (and 2003-2004) A4's come with 17" rims.
dk
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"Dan Koren" wrote

Oh gimme a break. I was just trying to make a point that the original poster who has a B6 A4 (I think) may want to consider a certain size which is OK by the manufacturer, in case he had any concerns.

As an option, yes. 15" and 16" stock.
http://www.audiworld.com/model/a4/03/03a4sedan.pdf http://www.audiworld.com/model/a4/04/04a4sedan1_8.pdf http://www.audiworld.com/model/a4/04/04a4sedan3_0.pdf
Cheers,
Pete
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You made my point exactly.
All the above links are to Audi's world site, not to the US site -- that is www.audiusa.com.
Also note that the fact that a car will allow a certain rim/wheel size does not mean it will perform or handle well with that wheel.
dk
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"Dan Koren"

Audiworld is a US-centered site and the specs they publish are for US-based models. Besides, www.audiusa.com shows the same info: 16" stock and 17" optional for 2004.

That's true, but the definition of "handling" varies depending on the individual. For some it's firm/crisp steering response; for others it's ride comfort. We don't know what the original poster's priorities are. If he wants the former, he should buy himself 19" rims with 235/35/19 tires. If he wants the latter - he should stick with what he has or even downgrade to 15s.
Cheers,
Pete
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Pete wrote:

I'm based in the UK - stock wheels are 16".

Basically I want to be able to go round corners faster without the back end starting to twitch. On a previous car (MkIII Fiesta) I upgraded 165/65R13s on steel rims to 185/50R14s on alloys, the difference was quite remarkable. That car only had 60bhp-ish, and after the upgrade didn't have enough power to slide round a corner!
The theory goes that the more rubber in contact with the tarmac the better. As all the tyres on my A4 (2001 model) will need replacing in about 5,000 miles, I wanted to know if it was possible to fit a 225/50 width tyre on the existing rims (currently 205/55). According to my calculations, dropping to a 50 profile on the 225 will keep the sidewall height, circumference etc the same, so the ride comfort (and the speedo reading!) should stay the same, but with a bit more lateral grip round corners.
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Squirrel Solutions http://www.squirrelsolutions.co.uk /
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Just upgrading the tyres/wheels one size is not likely to buy you much better cornering ability. The suspension also has something to do with it! The stock A4 suspension is pretty soft. If your goal is to noticeably improve your A4's cornering ability, you will probably need to tweak its suspension as well.
dk
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Dan Koren wrote:

That's not a road I want to start going down. If I can fit the next size up tyres on the existing rims, for another 10-15ukp per tyre it'll give a small but worthwhile improvement. Otherwise I'll just stick with the 205/55 profile tyres when the current ones need replacing.
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Glenn Richards Tel: (01453) 845735
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I guess that the question which must be asked is - what improvement do you expect to achieve?
Altering the width of a tyre does *not* achieve more rubber on the road, it merely alters the shape of the 'footprint' - unless you are reducing the inflation pressure, but you could do that with your existing tyres.
The actual area of tyre in contact with the road is a simple relationship -
contact area = (weight carried by wheel)/(inflation pressure)
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Peter Bell (Note Spamtrap - To reply, replace 'invalid' with 'bellfamily')

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I'm obviously being a bit thick here, but could you please explain how a, for example, a 185/60 tyre will put the same area of rubber down as a 220/45?
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Steve H 'You're not a real petrolhead unless you've owned an Alfa Romeo'
http://www.italiancar.co.uk - Honda VFR800 - MZ ETZ300
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The formula in a prior post will give you the contact area but makes no reference to its shape or the tire's friction force. If your tire load remains constant (the same car) a wider tire will have "wider" shape which leads to greater lateral resistance to shift due to its shape alone.
The following equation is perhaps more accurate: (friction force = (coeff of fric) x (summation of tire forces (Fx, Fy, Fz)
If you want to go around curves faster on dry pavement then a wider tire is the way to go. You should be aware, however, that widening the tires will lower the velocity at which flotation on wet or snowy surfaces occurs.
There is also the factor of changing the stress on wheel bearings by the alteration of the "effective" offset. The change of one size wider and one size lower profile will probably have a small effect on bearing stress.
More importantly is to make sure that the proposed lower profile will not allow the tire sidewall to contact and suspension or brake component as it flexes, jounces or rebounds. There is limited information on this due to the relative rarity of Audis in the US.
Thirty two years ago when I began racing it was much easier as there was always someone else that had tried a combination before and, by trial and error, the acceptable sizes became known. If you wanted to exceed those conventions we would alter suspension components. Changing the shackles on leaf springs or "taking a torch" to coil springs were very common ways to effect the suspension. We knew that this would alter the driving characteristics but.... well... we were young and stupid, and didn't care. But then... I wasn't a middle aged man driving a $45K vehicle either.
For what it is worth I have seriously considered going up one size and down one width for my next set of tires... In my case I would replace 215-55-16 with 235-50-16. The speedometer error introduced would be approximately +0.2%
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