The Perfect Car

The Lotus Elise

It isn't "perfect" and we don't own one and don't know if we will, but currently she is coveting an Escape hybrid. Seriously. Says it can haul some things, lift height is perfect for her and it's reasonably green. Says the seats and driving position are good. Has to climb a bit to get in one and that's the only negative.

AJM

That's simple.

Here, the veto is issued on anything that doesn't have the higest possible trim level along with a place, immediately to her right, to place her purse. (Rules out anything with an arm rest or center console.)

-- pj

I don't think there is enough time in ones life. if you think you can figure out what a woman wants, then you have way too much wasted time on your hands. ya might as well try to figure out when "yes" means "no" and "no" means "yes".

my2¢

all-around, ideal sportscar:

Porsche 911 Turbo

Women have enough to deal with on real pregnancies than to buy a car that looks like a pregnant roller-skate.

1. Color must have two words of which a male has never hear of.

1. Seats must be movable so they can be rearranged at a moments notice.

2. Seats will have plush upholstery, protected by plastic with dollies on top.

1. Windows will need shades and some sort of trendy curtains.

2. Valet for her new coat to hang in the window so the other gals can see it.

1. Floor mats must be covered with oversized throw rugs.

2. Roof to be high enough so it will not mess up her do.

1. Propulsion, only if you must have it to move. (Does it cost more?)

2. Fuel, done by someone else when she doesn't know about it or its cost.

1. Heater to have finger nail polish drier duct.

2. A/C that senses her mood/temperature swings and adjusts correctly.

1. Mirror, or should I say mirrors, must be lighted and not show age spots.

2. Brakes must be power and anticipate when they should apply themselves.

1. Power steering, "You mean I have to guide this thing, what if I break a nail."

2. Brakes, and steering must react correctly to shopping/potty/eating needs.

1. Guidance system must know her needs and go there without asking.

2. Must be able to park itself.

1. Doors that open when she approaches with her arms loaded from shopping.

2. Someone will come in the night and maintain it without her knowing the cost.

1. Insurance will be for damage to her body and then maybe the car, not.

Not perfect but a starting point. Some things were left out to protect the innocent, like the back seat size.

Hilarious. May I have permission to cut and paste and send to appropriate women? I will of course give credit without divulging actual identity.

AJM

At this point in my life with women, it is best I do not suggest or design such a vehicle.

I'll reference this below.

Margo Howard wrote:

yours is not the only letter I got making this point.

This email was submitted from the Creators.com website at 07:13 11/05/2007 Name: Tom

Text: Dear Margo,

Your answer to the 55 year old wife with the 60 year old husband on his flirting missed one important point. Is it the wife's fault? A lot of women reach that point in their lives where they become overbearing, uncaring, unresponsive, and quite simply, a real pain to live with. Yet they think they are still "perfect". After years of living in such a life, many men begin to wonder if there is life elsewhere. Some leave, some cheat, some flirt, some fantasize. This isn't an excuse or an attempt to say it is right, but sometimes, the blame has to go where it belongs - the wife.

Right now, my wife hasn't had sex with me in four years. I don't drink, run around, be gone all the time, or ignore the family. Yet she constantly blows up about things. She exploded the other night because I was looking at convertibles to buy. For the first time in 30 years, I have not required a truck, van, SUV, or station wagon for family or work, and so I wanted to let the top down for a change. I'm tired of driving a truck. And the convertible was going to be cheaper than the old man's car. It wasn't taking money out of anyone's mouth or purse. I have been looking, and telling her, for about three months.

The other night she exploded, acted like it was the first time she had heard it, can't understand why I can't get an old man's car, and said she was going to take all the cash out of the bank to buy her dream car.

I'm not looking for other women and I'm not hanging around other women, but I am getting tired of how she acts. This has been going on for about six years now and she is in her early 50s.

And I'm not alone. A friend has not slept in the same bed as his wife in six years, is faithful, at home, does all a good father should, brings in the paycheck, and so on, yet the wife constantly berates him to everyone. He isn't perfect, but he isn't nearly what she says.

Another friend has a similar situation.

So before you blame the husband, take a careful look at the wife next time.

------------ Thanks Dad, I forgot about he fuel and maintenance part--just too ingrained during the last 56 years (43 years of marriage preceded by 13 years of 'gender shock').

Here's a tip on the interior mirrors. Accumulated cigarette smoke scum used to do the job but we got too old to smoke. Now I just leave Windex residue on the interior mirrors 8-).

-- pj

Here's why I think it can't be done. Just substitute "shoe" for "car" Can anyone imagine a woman who owns only one pair of shoes?

one other thing you guys forgot......

the perfect car is going to need a perfect driver... and with the woman in the car, tell me how that can be done!!!

;-)