Haven't Changed The Oil In Maybe Two Years

1986 Ram B-250, 8 cylinder, with approx 70,000 actual miles.
Rusting, faded conversion van.
I'll sell it to ya cheap--if interested, let me know.
Driven very infrequently/sporadically.
Let's say that I've put only 5--10 thousand miles (more or less) on it since the last oil change and the air filter replcement at least 2 years ago.
Please make me feel bad by speculating about what damage I'm doing to it.
I'm kinduv reluctant to change the oil.
Why?
Well, many years ago, I had this terrific '68 VW campmobile van.
I don't know if the transmission oil was ever changed by its first owner, while I did have it changed.
Well, of course, that cost me a transmission (over a thousand bucks) by having the fluid changed.
Yes, I realize that engine oil changing and trans oil changing aren't equal.
Nevertheless, I'm ... superstitious if not foolishly dumb.
If I put some garlic tablets down the oil thing, will that ward-off something bad when I get it changed?
Don't answer the above; but please tell me if there's something I should do (maybe pour something into it) before I get it changed, such as STP or Marvel Mystery?.
I may have already done this some months ago (magic marvel stuff)--no, that was in another junker i was driving, though it didn't seem to help it.
It's a 1998 Daewoo Nubira presently sitting on my drive way with a very questionable trans-axel.
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I really feel sorry for your circumstance. I wish I could help, but stupid is a life sentence without the possibility of either pardon or paroll. Steve

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I'll give you $1.98 for it, when you drive it down to me in Arkansas
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The power steering fluid wasn't topped-off for years as well.
A coupla weeks ago, I finally poured-in some fluid into those two places, hoping this is what they are there for: Why 2 count-em wells when 1 is all i know from other 4-wheel machines.
Well(s), the steering is now easier, and in fact it's now tooooo loose when in a tight parking or unparking situation, shaky and sorta scary.
And hey, for $1.98, Chuck Embarrass could have me on that imbecilic 1970s Show, the $1.98 Ugly Unsound Van, and J.P. will vote for mine.
Hay, how bout a "car show" or "truck/van show" of the UGLIEST: It's called contrarian-absurdism, and that's why there are B tv shows aka "reality crape."
Eat your heart out, car collectors and tight-asseses.
Meanwhile, so long as it runs, I'll operate the !@#$%^&*()_+ gas guzzler with the drivers seat rotting-out no matter how many seat covers K-Mart sells me.
p.s. I doubt if Arkansas razor pigs could get close to beating LSU bengal kitty cats.
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