Flimsy Plastic Front-End Work DOES Serve a Purpose

Flimsy Plastic Front-End Work DOES Serve a Purpose
If you drive a GM passenger car, you know what I'm talking about. Its all the plastic under the faux front bumper which overhangs the wheelbase for
convenient scraping the pavement when negotiating road dips, snow and mud ruts and less than ideal driveways. Whether you address this fancy-work as valence panels, streamlining, cooling system ducts, air dams, under panels, chin scoops, or just plain plastic, they are a royal pain in the ass. Every scrape sends chills down my spine that maybe I just tore up the underbody or ruined the undercarriage.
But, they do serve a purpose, for GM and the Government. For GM, its a steady flow of parts replacements for those customers not limited to driving down San Vicente Blvd. in Beverly Hills. GM knows most towns around this land of ours have North Korean style unpaved alleyways and even city streets that get really nasty in the winter and will rip this plastic garbage to shreds. You knew that already about the profit motive behind this shameful emblishment. However, I bet you didn't know about the Government angle: The Government got its foothold in auto building in a big way with its smog laws and the OBD II mandated standards; it didn't stop there. After the EPA sank its teeth into the business, the FBI got into the act. Its the force of FBI directives that is the real reason why GM builds cars that drag and scrape on every excuse of a roadway. The FBI knows when you run over a pedestrian, the plastic breaks off and falls in the street. All they have to do is match up the broken pieces with the now jagged bodywork on the car and presto! the hit-and-run car is located. Its just like the pieces of Mr. Krabs pirate map, it is.
Now you know why you can't curse only GM for hanging this trash on your car. Its the Government's fault and this fact is irrefruitable.
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Forgot your meds, again???
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On Sat, 17 Mar 2007 05:59:19 GMT, "Jim Warman"

And how often does the FBI investigate traffic accidents???
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And I'd add, welcome to USENET! You've come to the right place! Wait a minute and the MI6 Torture guy will be along. You two should get together.
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even
big
now
Its
That's where you are dead wrong. An extensive google search, coupled with a strong intuitive instinct has revealed that the real reason for the plastic valance pieces is really an act of the NTSC. These otherwise innocuous panels have been mandated by the NTSC for the purpose of scraping animal droppings off of road surfaces, thereby eliminating potential slip hazards to pedestrians, health-minded bicyclists, and vehicle traffic. Imagine how many more piles of poop you'd see on America's highways and byways if it were not for these devices. Perhaps to the average coastal state resident, the value is not so obvious. Typical piles are after all, generally only dog size. For our interior state brethren though, these devices serve a far greater benefit as buffalo droppings could easily disrupt a tractor and trailer.
So - the next time you are laying under your car changing the oil, and fretting about that plastic valance getting in your face, take solace that this humble little piece of plastic is one piece on your car that is indeed contributing to the greater safety of your fellow man, right here at home.
--

-Mike-
snipped-for-privacy@alltel.net
  Click to see the full signature.
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"Mike Marlow" wrote:
These panels have been mandated by the NTSC for scraping animal droppings off of road surfaces, eliminating potential slip hazards to pedestrians, health-minded bicyclists, and vehicle traffic. The next time you are lying under your car changing the oil, and fretting about that plastic valance in your face, remember that this humble little piece of plastic is contributing to the greater safety of your fellow man. _________________________________________________
Even after it wears away from scraping the pavement, it is still useful for mall parking. When you hear a grinding sound, it confirms that your tires have almost reached the concrete stop bar at the end of the parking space.
Rodan.
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Mike Marlow wrote:

NTSC?? That's the American television standard. I think you mean NTSB.
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George Orwell wrote:

Sounds like a great urban myth. "Irrefruitable" you say? Got any evidence or source to back this up?
Bill Putney (To reply by e-mail, replace the last letter of the alphabet in my address with the letter 'x')
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You need a vehicle with more ground clearance or better still you sound like someone who shouldn't be driving.
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On Sat, 17 Mar 2007 06:25:46 +0100, George Orwell wrote:

You say that like being able to apprehend scumbags who run over pedestrians and flee the scene is a BAD thing.
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