How to change Oil

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Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 21) Drink beer. 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. 25) Begin cussing fit. 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 28) Beer. 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 30) Beer. 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32) Beer. 33) Lower car from jack stands. 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 35) Beer. 36) Test drive car. 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 38) Car gets impounded. 39) Call loving wife, make bail. 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1500.00 Beer: $20.00 Total: $4,145.00 But you know the job was done right!
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I. Care
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You are leaving off the new engine becasue the Jiffy Lube guy forgot to install the drain plug, or didn't porplery install the filter, or just forgot to add oil. So add $5k for the new engine.
Ed

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Exactly. Even if you catch the problem before the engine is ruined, it still will cost money to fix their errors sometimes. I've personally had quick lube places put 3 quarts too much in, 5 quarts too little in (in an old van that held 7 or 8 quarts), install the wrong filter, strip the threads on the filter nipple, strip the threads on the drain pan, fail to change the filter, lie repeatedly about checking the rear axle lube and ruin a ring and pinion...
I used to think I was too busy to do it myself until I realized how much damage some of these places had done.
CJB
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Oh, and Jiffy Lube, of all places, is the worst I ever visited.
CJB
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But you can make good money fixing thier screw ups, like when they put power steering fluid in the master cylinder.
Whitelightning
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those lube shops how to lube the front end of my truck!
He was a kid of about 19. I told the dumbass in the pit about 3 times to please not forget to get the upper ball joints. I could see he never did so I looked when he was done and turns out he didn't lube ANY of the fittings! Thats when I went back and had a talk with the manager and went in the pit with him to look at it. Thats when the lube lesson began. The thing that sucked about it was the only reason I went there was I wanted it lubed. Lazy Morons................
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Kinda sad that you have to pay for a job & do it yourself. Some oil change joints are better than others. Here in Northern New England, there is a chain called "Pronto". I have taken all of our company automobiles there & after years of service, no problems. As for my own oil, I prefer to change it myself.
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It can happen anywhere. I had a shop I'd been happy with for general service. Took the car there for an oil change. They did the usual checklist, everything OK. I asked about the headlights they said they'd checked, because one was burned out. They didn't notice that. Then I asked them if the 2 new headlights sitting in the passenger seat might have been any kind of tipoff. It's fair to say we had a different relationship after that.
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MG wrote:

Why would you have two new headlights if only one was burned out.
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They both have the same number of hours/on-off cycles so it makes sense to change them both at the same time. If Quartz, the old one will likely be starting to dim anyway.
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<clare at snyder dot ontario dot canada> wrote in message wrote:

Exactly. There are lots of things on cars that are best replaced in sets when one expires.
mg
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MG wrote:

i dunno... i've never really experienced that... the other bulb burning out shortly after the first. on my 02 ranger, i replaced one bulb since new and it was on the drivers side, that was 2 years ago, the other one is still fine.
Something like a light bulb that will not leave me stranded i don't think i would change just because i thought it was old.
Using this logic, when one marker bulb burns out, you'd go change them all the way around the car. I haven't seen very many cars driving around with all the lights burned out at the same time.
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Gotta tell you the story of an experience I had early in my wrenching carreer. Had a shop forman who was a real "a-hole" dutchman. I was working away on a brand new ambassador with a dome light that would not shut off, while he and the apprentice had a used Datsun 510 in, trying to get the headlights working. He was yammering away, telling me to do this and that, while I was methodically tracking down the short, and had it located to within about 4 feet of wiring (when I took out the last screw holding the console in to get to the wiring harnes where I had narrowed it down to, the light went out (wire through the harness). Meanwhile I was answering his questions about how to test the headlamp system on the Nissan. When I finished the Ambassador he was no closer to getting the lights working. I volunteered to fix it for him. He said "OK SMARTASS!!" and I just hollered to the parts department for a full set of sealed beams. Threw them in, and everything worked.
I KNEW from the tests I had had them do that there was no other explanation .
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wrote:

It's certainly not required, and for marker lights, I would not do that. Obviously any car owner can do this as he pleases.
mg
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@mypacks.net says...

sources on why headlight bulbs should be replaced in pairs:
http://www.automotivelightingusa.com/index.php?main_page=lighting101
=3F Don't wait for your headlights to dim and burn before your replace them. Halogen headlights dim over time, so replacing them at regulary scheduled maintenance intervals will ensure the best lighting performance. =3F Replace your headlights in pairs to avoid uneven illumination, which can diminish driving visibility.
http://tinyurl.com/3a4yn6
Replace in pairs: The experts at TV SD urgently recommend replacing light bulbs in pairs =3F particularly dipped and full beam headlight bulbs =3F to ensure uniform brightness. Once one bulb blows, the other's days are also numbered. In addition, right and left headlights must always have bulbs of the same type!
http://www.aiacanada.com/document.cfm?itemid=158879&smocid=1487
Replace your headlights in pairs to avoid uneven illumination, which can diminish driving visibility.
http://www.doityourself.com/stry/automotivelight101
Two At A Time-Replace your headlights in pairs about once a year. It is a little known fact that halogen headlights don't just burn out; they dim over time. Replacing them in pairs helps avoid uneven illumination, which can diminish driving visibility. # Bright Idea-Don't wait for your headlights to dim; upgrade your headlights. University research has shown that whiter halogen headlights, such as Sylvania SilverStar, provide drivers with better roadside viewing, improved reaction time and increased visibility. -- I. Care Address fake until the SPAM goes away ;-}
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wrote:

headlamps when to change one or 4 took the same amount of work - and cussing, to get the grille and headlight doors out of the way.
On many cars today changing a headlamp is a 2 or 3 minute job. In those cases, changing one at a time is not foolishness..
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Picasso wrote:

Good idea to change both as the other one is probably due to burn soon.
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wrote:

Hey, I used to work at an oil change place and we always did a great job. We drained out some of the old oil, checked the filter, and we always made sure the customer got their money's worth of oil. We always gave them plenty oil, because we filled the engine with oil until it was filled right to the top of the engine. If some oil oozed out when we put on the oil cap, we knew our job was perfect.
Unfortunately I was fired. My boss claims I stold oil because he said we used it too fast. Then he complained that we did not use these round metal things with a hole in one end, and came in cardboard boxes (whatever they were). I dont know why he wanted to get rid of those things. What an asshole.
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message

My experiences have been similar. I did it myself a few times in high school, and decided it was costing me almost as much in oil & filters. I was busy, and got in the habit of letting other places do it. Then one day I brought my beloved ricer car to the quick lube spot. About 10 minutes into my ride home I noticed this horrid smell. Couldn't place it, so I pulled over and popped the hood. The fools had forgotten to replace the oil fill cover! I'd been running the car HARD since I left, and apparently oil doesn't stay in the engine very well near redline with no fill cover. The entire shiny under-hood display that I'd spent so much time & TLC on was COVERED with oil. COVERED! I don't know if I ever got it as clean as it had been.
Then, a few years later, this girl I'd just started to date brought her car to Pep Boys for a tune-up. Her dad bought the car for her, and it had always been dealer maintained to the letter until she moved out. I told her to use my mechanic or the dealer, but she liked the location and price of PB. They cross-threaded a plug into the engine, and then muffed up the heli-coil they tried to hide their mistake with. They ended up giving the car back like that saying it was already like that, and that any further action on their part would have to be the result of a lawsuit. I bought the car, with a book value of about 7K, for $1300. That was her dads number, because that's what the last service at the dealership (less than 6 months previous) had cost. I spent another $1300 on a 5K mile engine, installed, and drove it for a while. Then I sold it.
You'd think she would have learned. That car was replaced by another daddy gift, a 99 Subaru Legacy wagon. About a year later she had it quicky-lubed, and they didn't put enough oil in. She then ignored the sounds and lights until the engine blew. Now she's driving an 87 Integra I found her for $300.
So yeah, I don't care if it's cold, windy, snowing, whatever. Either I change my oil, or if conditions won't allow it my mechanic who I know and trust does it. F*** quicky lube.
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How about the $75.00 towing fee when Jiffy Lube installs the retaining clips on the fuel filter backwards, causing the clips to work loose at Exit 60 on I-81 North, causing fuel to pump out of the fuel tank, all over the bottom of the truck and the highway, necessitating a call to local volunteer FD to clean it up, then, tow the truck to local garage where the problem is discovered and fixed after three hours delay while moving??
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