Some thoughts

Guess we have far too much time on our hands and have some unusual thoughts...

1. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

1. I had amnesia once -- or twice.

2. I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

1. Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

2. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

1. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

2. "Receive a free gift." ---As opposed to a gift you have to pay for?

1. They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

2. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

1. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

2. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

1. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

2. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

1. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

2. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

1. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

2. My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.

1. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

2. Is there another word for synonym?

1. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

2. The speed of time is one-second per second.

1. Is it possible to be totally partial?

2. What's another word for thesaurus?

1. Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

2. Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

1. It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

2. Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean?

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as anything

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

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Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

-Anonymous