Story .... A little Ford joke time

On a serious note, what I am about to mention is true, but I have a great sense of humor!
A few months back while on a long road trip to pick up my g/f's kids from a
far away city, I blew up my four banger Pontiac. Though I have to first admit I have a fondness for certian Fords, I have never liked the the Taurus much till the new models came out. In the 80's I had bought a brand new 88 Tempo, which I loved till I sold it after some problems. But now once more I am in a 1988 Ford, and it being a Taurus, I can't stand the car. Of course I sould point out that anytime I hate a car for one reason or another it seems to run forever! But with this being the case, I think I have met my automotive match.
Since blowing up my little Sunfire I was asked by a friend if I wanted this Taurus as she had no place to store it and it had been off the road for some time, before she gave it to me. the car was a mess...her kids had yanked half the headliner out and it hung from the ceiling, the brakes didn't work, the transmission lines leak, the headlights blew out every other week, and the tires had been on the car probably since its first winter. But don't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?
Well I set about making the repairs to it, first order of business was the brakes, completing the job, drums, shoes and hardware out back, two new wheel bearing seals and repacking the wheel bearings inspecting them for damage or wear which wasn't the case. Up front we installed two new rotors, pads, and replaced a sticking left front caliper.
Under the hood wasn't much to work on for the reason that if it ain't broke don't fix it, but the car recieved new lift struts to hold the hood up and an oil change which was long over due! Not to mention some tune up parts and the likes. You'd think after this we would have a little good luck huh? NOPE a week later after getting the car, a truck coming from the other direction kicks up a rock spidering the lower left corner of the windshield. Fortunately I have just had the car inspected and it past.
Like I say the car was in seriously bad shape, the color of the car was originally tan, but this lady friend had decided to paint the car (with spray cans) a baby blue which would have turned out nice if she had of fixed the dents, rust, and sanded that car first. Not to mention, that she neglected to paint any of the jambs which the tan color can be seen. Of course then there is the matter of the inch thick tar coating the whole outside of the car all the way up to the windows (something to this day I am still trying to get off). And further the left side that looks as though she had run down the length of a telephone pole. Though the rust is only slight on the car the body is fairly soild, with hints of surface rust where she painted over it and the left front fender had been caved in which she bondoed over to fill in the dent. So again I begain work on the repairs....
I fixed the bows in the trunk (the rods that hold the truck lid open) and after looking at why the headlights blew out all the time found that the "buckets" were broke were the lower adjusters connected, allowing the headlights to swing back and forth while the car was in motion. A trip to the salvage yard and I swapped in a used 89 headlight assemble, with the header and the works, replacing both bulbs once more for what I though was going to be the final time. But bad luck struck again....
My g/f taking her son to work one night had a run in with a deer smashing the left door mirror and bending the door slightly, nad if this wasn't bad enough three days later got a flat tire, just to find out that the car has no tire iron, or jack, and the spare is a 215/ 78R14 making the car pull with the 195/ 75R14s on it. A week further after that the left front tire starts falling literally to pieces, such as a recap would which we decide it is time for new tires.
Sears automotive is happy to take our money (as they are the only place open in the late hour of this newest problem), and replace the two front tires. We opt not to get the road hazard as money is tight in our situation but things are amist that we have yet to find out. Two days later my g/f takes her daughter to work, and a trip to the local convenience store she is backing out and forgets about the phone pole in the driveway of the store, slamming the left front side into it enough to throw the front end out of alignment. a week later the front tires are so worn that they once more have to be replaced, and luckily the damage to the car is the pushed in bondoed left fender and not the new front header or right fender. We opt to get four new tires on this trip to Sears (why is it always after the other tire places are closed?), and align the whole thing, which we learn has to be drilled out and the mechanic being a friend tells me to do it myself and save the money by having the alignment brought back as part of the six month check up. Though he aligns it to where it won't chew the tires up! Now I start to look at some of the more annoying problems with the car I tear the rest of the headliner out, replace two of the lug nuts (as they were different sizes then the originals one was a 22MM and the other and 18 MM) and start looking around for a passenger front seat belt (as the shoulder clip part of the belt fell apart), I replace the bulbs in the interior as they were all missing other then the gauge lights, and set about cleaning more tar off the exterior.
Again more bad luck, and again my g/f was driving.... This time the new right front tire blows out as she is taking her oldest son to his g/fs house, almost 30 miles away. They put the spare back on it and limp the car home, upon inspection the tire seems to have had a week spot in the sidewall allowing what appears to be a small crack in the sidewall (looking almost like dry rot) to allow air to pass through it. We drive the car around hoping to get enough money up to replace the tire and money being as tight as it is has yet to be replaced properly.
Here and now a week ago. After a few weeks (mind you this has all gone on since June of this year) we allow her oldest son to take the car to see his g/f and yet things seem to go well till he gets home with it. Now the spare tire blows out and we have not one tire around the house we can stick on it. No money to fix it, I decide to change the luck!
Her oldest son gives us twenty for a cab so we can get around though where we live that is one trip to where ever it is and nothing for the return home. I scare up a couple cans of fix a flat (I hate that stuff as well but that was given to me by the guy next door when I asked him for a ride to the salvage yard). and proceed to empty the contents in to the spare still mounted to the front of the car. It still leaks and I have enough drive time on it to make it to the nears gas station with an air pump. And being I don't own a compressor (funny thing about wives...not all of them listen...hell I was married to a woman I divorced last year and I don't own snot in tools, and I love cars more then I loved her!). With a pocket compressor (one of those cheap, plug it into your cigar lighter types) in hand and the g/f by my side I get the idea that between the two tires and the fix a flat (and six dollars in empty cans) we can limp to the salvage yard 40 miles away to find a spare tire to pop on this thing. Seven dollars in air pump machines, burning out the pocket compressor just a quarter of a mile from the yard, changing the one flat tire to the other flat tire half way through the trip, both cans of fix a flat gone, sick as a dog now from the rain all day while doing this, a 45 minute run through the yard searching in the rain for a 14 inch rim with a good tire on another Ford Taurus, and then changing the tire in the rain for the second time later after finding the only other car in the yard to have a 14 inch set of wheels on it...and the g/f hits a deer on her way to work this morning smashing up the new front header, damaging the new headlight on the left side and I can only wonder what is next. I am not even sure if she should be driving this car as I am begining to feel sorry for the old beast! I jokingly asked her what is it with the drivers side she don't like?! I know that cars have problems but God if this thing was a horse I'd shoot it! Sadly I have one mopar in my yard now (her oldest sons car) without any brakes (as we can't get the rotors off and every line we replace seems to blow another old line), a chevy celebrity that isn't even ours yet and can't be started, a chevy caprice that needs a bunch of work to it and I have put on hold as the Taurus needed less (I thought) to put on the road. And lastly my toy a 85 2 wheel drive blazer I have pulled apart for a V8 upgrade! I wish I had my old F 100 back, more with each passing day...only thing that needed was tires, but lets not start there! LOL
Enjoy!
Sincerely, Jeigh
Add pictures here
βœ–
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
sounds like its time to get a new g/f, or not let the current one drive anymore
Add pictures here
βœ–
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
You sure the side of the car doesn't say AMC Concord??
wrote:

Add pictures here
βœ–
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Is 'Jeigh' an alias for "Joe Btfsplk"? [If you don't know who Btfsplk is, you're too young.]
E5I50 wrote:

Snipped a tale of woe.

Add pictures here
βœ–
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Re: Story .... A little Ford joke time Group: alt.autos.ford Date: Sun, Nov 9, 2003, 4:30am (EST+5) From: snipped-for-privacy@em.net (Farley @nonymous) Is 'Jeigh' an alias for "Joe Btfsplk"? [If you don't know who Btfsplk is, you're too young.]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Ah yes Mr. Blackcloud from the Lil Abner strip I believe.
Eric
Add pictures here
βœ–
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Eric Toline wrote:

That would be the one.
--
Mortimer Schnerd, RN

snipped-for-privacy@BARFcarolina.rr.com
  Click to see the full signature.
Add pictures here
βœ–
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Eric Toline opined ..

http://deniskitchen.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=CTGY&Category_Code=bios . joe.btfsplk
Add pictures here
βœ–
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Motorsforum.com is a website by car enthusiasts for car enthusiasts. It is not affiliated with any of the car or spare part manufacturers or car dealers discussed here. All logos and trade names are the property of their respective owners.