Ebaylish spoken here

In my quest for an inexpensive Disco I realise that some terms used in auctions do not translate directly into english "as she has spoken" so I offer a few and invite you to add some pithy descriptions you may have found.

slight rust on inner wheel arches

- passed MOT last year with rotted out inners will fail this year when they fall on the examiner as he checks the play in the wheel bearings.

Boot floor needs attention TLC etc

-MOT examiner is doomed if the front arches miss him the boot floor falling out is a certain fail/concussion/compensation claim/fatality

Usual bubbles on wheel arches

- shit load of corrosion hidden by hasty blow over with a can of duplicolour

Not got time to MOT car should pass easily

- should pass water , should pass 10mph, should pass MOT? not unless the examiner is concussed it won't (see above) serious less than obvious problem e.g. outer sills rotten under trim passenger footwell held in place by the adhesive on the carpets base of pillars rotted. An MOT only takes an hour drop the car off and you get a motor worth a whole lot more simple economics no reason to not test but do you feel lucky punk? or are you hiding something you are ashamed of?

Owned by enthusiast

- the expression getting rid quickly while he can springs to mind or maybe he's just a watersports enthusiast extracting the pee?

Slight leak in sunroof

- do you keep fish in this car they come free along with floating carpets, sunroof safari roof, door seals leak its a landrover for goodness sake but he hasn't the wit to get them sorted and the floor is about to fall out so that should sort the problem

Slight Chassis damage requires welding

- slight is interesting to me it says scraped on a HUGE rock needs paint maybe or maybe a new outrigger- no way Jose slight means either it has bounced off the Mendips/ Pennines/Black hills several times or a lesser car has been reduced to the size of a Smart 2 seater and landed across an armco barrier or has been used to test the security of 3 sections on Armco on the M25 or for after hours carry outs at a local bank.

Starts easily ( new battery fitted )

- thats why joyriders like them of course never see a joyrider in a foot of snow trying to nick one thats when they don't start easily and when they don't you fit a new battery and sell when it gets a bit warmer

Realistic Reserve Price

- hands up who remembers imported electronic kit with that brand? ( Tandy ) and who can remember what brand of imported electronic kit was three times the price of identical kit pretty well everywhere else?

Derek Disclaimer---------------------------------------------------------------------- please don't take these humourous suggestions as indicative of cars I have tested or intended to bid on or actually have bid on in the past month I'm still looking however so if I do turn up email you or whatever tell the bloody truth.

Reply to
Derek
Loading thread data ...

Ahhh and ones I have discovered:-

"Bonnet needs replacing" -

Means - Timing belt slipped top of engine caught fire and has cremated the bonnet and bent all the valves. (I walked away from the car and didn't buy it)

"Have spent thousands in the last few months."

Means - If you buy this car you better have deep pockets otherwise get a 2nd Mortgage.You will spend thousands more. (I bought the Renault 18TL)

"Needs slight attention to pass the MOT."

Means - I hope you are the mug who will buy this car I couldn't ever afford to get it through the MOT. (I walked away when I saw filler around the suspension struts on this escort)

"Smokes a little."

Means - Needs a new engine, Carburettor or Fuel Pump. (I bought the car, stupid, stupid stupid).

The first car I bought said:-

"Could do with a service."

Two days laters while going around a sharp corner I realised this meant that it needed the brakes sorting out as I lost all braking ability at 60 m.p.h. I had only passed my test a week before. Resulted in a serious accident when I had a talk with a lampost and a hedge.The car needed to be taken to a scrap yard after that. I loved the look of that Talbot Avenger.

Yours

Andy

Reply to
Andrew Renshaw

It could be worse

Thought you maight like the following

EURO ENGLISH

The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the EU ? rather than German (the other possibility).

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty?s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the language and reclassify it as Euro English.

The agreed plan is as follows:

In year 1, the soft ?c? would be replaced by ?s?. sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ?c? will be replaced by ?k?. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ?ph? is replaced by ?f?. This will reduse fotograf by 20%.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ?e?s in the language is disgrasful and they should eliminat them.

By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to linguistik korektions such as replasing ?th? with ?z? and ?w? with ?v? (saving mor keyboard spas).

During ze fifz year, ze unecesary ?o? kan be dropd from vords kontaining ?ou? and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer konbinations of leters. After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultiz and envrion vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

? ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!!?

Reply to
Harpic

...and Harpic spake unto the tribes of Usenet, saying...

:-)

Reply to
Richard Brookman

...and Matthew Maddock spake unto the tribes of Usenet, saying...

I always wondered why people use this one. What is it about getting a company car that makes you have to sell your current one? Unless you really are stuck for room, it's nonsense. I mean, if you had a company car, you'd leave it in the road and keep the one you actually own in the garage or on the drive, wouldn't you? I reckon it's a bit of one-upmanship (did you know I am important enough for my company to give me a car all to myself?) and a bit of kidology (I really only need one car, so the classic Jag will have to go when the company Micra arrives). Yeah, right.

Also "new baby forces sale". WTF?

Reply to
Richard Brookman

I remember (and will until my dying day) spending a night in a half-converted 101 Ambulance with a teething 1 year old... So yes, it has a certain validity.

Said ambulance now resides elsewhere :(

Reply to
Tim Hobbs

On Tue, 04 Apr 2006 22:02:10 +0100, Tim Hobbs scribbled the following nonsense:

now fully converted and tried it out this weekend just gone. Lovely and comfy!

Reply to
Simon Isaacs

...even with the teething baby??

Lizzy

Reply to
LizzyTaylor

Exellent thread (unlike my spelling) how about "genuine reason for sale" yeh its f####d

Icky

Reply to
icky

On Wed, 05 Apr 2006 13:58:34 +0100, LizzyTaylor scribbled the following nonsense:

not yet, although SWMBO wants to work on it....:-(

Reply to
Simon Isaacs

But you could have fun trying. ;-)

Lizzy

Reply to
LizzyTaylor

got one of them for sale too... :) Wanna swap for that lightweight?

Reply to
Tim Hobbs

On Thu, 06 Apr 2006 10:35:21 +0100, Tim Hobbs scribbled the following nonsense:

up until last night that sounded like a good idea, then she went to the doctors :-(

Reply to
Simon Isaacs

Having just spent the entire night watching chickenpox develop, complete with soundtrack and 'scratch and sniff', I can confidently say that "life is going to change"!

Congratulations - there's something funny with that truck you know. Mrs H fell pregnant about 3 months after I bought burrt....

Reply to
Tim Hobbs

I believe, with some degree of certainly, that burrt is the only 101 I would never give thought to buying, then.

Reply to
Mother

On or around Fri, 07 Apr 2006 11:07:32 +0100, Mother enlightened us thusly:

heheh.

'ere where've you been, and what's this rumour of you having upstaged my barbeque?

Reply to
Austin Shackles

I've just been reading through the 3K+ postings - like the idea of a metalic purple truck!

I have been evaluating various new experiences, including 'kinard work', being screwed over by a faceless computer in the employment of HMR&C (now sorted, BTW, and I have a very nice refund burning a hole in my pocket), and setting up a couple of new businesses. I've lost track of what's day and what's night, I have not had enough wine recently and I'm looking forward to the Unofficial like all my Birthdays coming together at once!

On the 'other' upsides, I've built my digital dash (see:

formatting link
) which turnedout to be more of a digital management system as there's also anothertouch screen monitor in the back - or will be, and yes, I've alsobuilt a BBQ - from a kit and nowhere near as well built as yourexcellent 'nuclear BBQ'. I've also had a little "finding out who my real friends aren't", but more of that at a later point in time...

Oh, 'api berfdi fer laswik :-)

Reply to
Mother

More info on this here:

formatting link

Reply to
Mother

Hmmm.... you need tyre pressure monitoring in there.

Drop us a line - it's going into my truck in the next few days when the sensors I've begged turn up.

Reply to
Tim Hobbs

"The idea for having a digital dash is mainly to give me information - such as various temps, fuel consumption and the like. For this I'm working on blowing a seperate EPROM which sort of mirrors a Range Rover ECU in terms of monitoring. This will probably end up connecting via a serial intergace (unless I can find a USB interface module - which would be kind of neat)."

Stick with serial and stick a bluetooth adaptor on the end....

Reply to
Tim Hobbs

MotorsForum website is not affiliated with any of the manufacturers or service providers discussed here. All logos and trade names are the property of their respective owners.