- NICKNAMES: If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
- EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in £20, even though the bill is only for £22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and no one will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
- MONEY: A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he really wants. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't really want.
- BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items, and would be afraid to REALLY know what they are for.
- ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
- DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings, funerals.
- HAPPINESS: To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- LONG LIFE: Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
- MISTAKES: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
- OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, and favourite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
- UNDERSTANDING: There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage.