Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana, North Dakota, and South Dakota; those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
- That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
- It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
- We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
- Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped... by our women.
- Go ahead and bring your 0 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.
- Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
- If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
- That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
- No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
- You can bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
- So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
- Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
- Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
- Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
- They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 80 &90 go two ways--Interstates 29 & 35 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
- The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
- So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
- Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the ball into the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
- That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit and go home.