And the dog's name was Ken, Chris Stevens, Gaspode et al

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.

I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,

sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down.

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"

Mike The truth will prevail :-))

Reply to
Mike
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*PLONK*
Reply to
Iridium

Has anyone modified any cars lately?

Reply to
Tom Robinson

Me! It's all buried in the threads "Why?" and "Vectra C Pipe Mod on Astra G"

Reply to
Iridium

Thanks for the heads up. I'll check it out.

Reply to
Tom Robinson

Don't get too excited ;) It's boost gauges, dump valves, remaps, exhausts, kinda talk - no engine swop excitement or anything.

Reply to
Iridium

I'm doing a bike engine transplant into my Sylva (kit car).

Don't talk about it 'much' in here right enough (c:\

Reply to
Bob Sherunckle

I've been told it is a waste of time, because no matter what it looks like, it is all excrement and pork luncheon meat. So it won't make a car go faster.

Reply to
Elder

Thanks anyway - those were some good threads.

Reply to
Tom Robinson

Mine is a never ending modifying process.

--=20 Conor

I'm really a nice guy. If I had friends, they would tell you.

Earn commission on online purchases, =A32.50 just for signing up:

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Reply to
Conor

"Modifying" a car involves a bit more than bolting on various chav must haves, which have probably made the car slower than std.

k
Reply to
Ken

Mine is a never ending modifying process.

Reply to
Ken

Yes. My girlfriend modified a brand new merc today when she picked it up from the dealer and reversed it straight into a concrete post , smashing the boot and bumper...

Mike P

Reply to
Mike P

If you had any idea what Conor is actually doing.....

Mike

Reply to
Mike P

..

He thinks we all drive G reg Novas. He said so.

--=20 Carl Robson Audio stream:

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Playing at home:My Chemical Romance-Hidden Track

Reply to
Elder

Maybe he is "re-mapping" an ECU, through fitting a ROM chip that bears no relationship to the requirements of his particular engine?

Or posssibly fitting wagon wheels + lowered suspension, that will in many cases make his car a death trap?

k
Reply to
Ken

Now thats something quite interesting...............but I guess a bit beyond the talents of the bolt on boys, who seem to be in the majority here!

k
Reply to
Ken

Where does the chip go?

No if you are going to lower, you need at least a Blue Riband if not a Jaffa cake in extreme cases.

You aren't Ken. Ken uses a Google groups account and a Yahoo email address and Ken doesn't use socks. Go on Who are you?

Reply to
Elder

Obvious typo corrected. There is no charge for this service. :P

Reply to
Tom Robinson

I had a bit of a crash in the Locost a couple of weeks ago.

So far I've replaced;

2 rear wings 2 front wishbones 2x chassis tubes 2x suspension brackets a wheel 2x tyres rear half shaft 2x TREs [1]

While I've been at it I've done a coupla mods, added a fuel guage, added a battery isolator, added a "snap-off" steering boss, installed a type9 (5 gears instead of 4) made some cracking engine mounts (even if I do say so myself ;) out of a pair of rock-hard diesel LR items and added some bracing for the seats.

There sre some mods being done, but it's kinda hard to see with the new "noise/post" ratio :(

Why can't everyone killfile Ken and his c*ck-gargling mates ? Or at least snip the drivel they're replying to so I don't have to see it ? :(

[1] I'm sick of replacing 'em, the rubber technology in the 70's leaves a lot to be desired, the boots are fooked within 2-3 months. They're always new/old stock so have probably been sitting in a stock room for almost 30 years :( Luckily I spotted some mispriced (I think) on ebay a few months ago and bought 6 for a tenner, but I've only got 2 left !
Reply to
Tony Bond (UncleFista)

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