A little humor, something to offend everyone (OT, non political)

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What is the difference between

a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the

Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between

a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs

What's the difference between

a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends

What's the difference between

a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women

they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What's the difference between

a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when

she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to

move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult

to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education

classes in Redneck schools

use the car only on Mondays,

Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when

an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the

flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They're hiring.

What's the difference between

a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal

on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little

80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between

a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides!

Reply to
Pat Drnec
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Loved them all- too funny (except the West Virginia joke ). Paul Johnson

Reply to
Paul Johnson

Reply to
Young Captian

That's OK Paul, it won't be long before everyone in Mexifornia has te same DNA.

Reply to
Ron Butts

Then I'll have a relative who will give a good discount and work on Sunday, if I buy the Tecate and tacos.

Karl

Reply to
midlant

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