IT'S GREAT TO BE A MAN It's Great to be a Man!
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your private areas. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "Notice anything different?" One mood, ALL the damn time. And don't forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You can go to a public toilet without a support group. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without everthinking, "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives in 45 minutes.