I guess you need to know whether your truck has automatic- or manual-locking hubs. If it has manual locking hubs, then you need to do two things in order to be in four wheel drive (4WD). First, you need to physically get out of your truck, go up to each front wheel and turn the knob from "free" to "lock". You'll know they are locked when the two arrows line up with each other. It is a really simple procedure. Secondly, you'll need to shift the transfer case from H2(2-HI) to H4(4-HI), (or L4[4-LOW] if you need a lot of traction). This is done by shifting the small shift stick. You will see a small schematic diagram of the wheels, axles, and driveshafts light up on the dash. You are now in 4WD-mode.
If you have automatic 4WD, you do not need to exit the vehicle. All you have to do is push a button or turn a knob to lock the hubs. I guess on Tacomas, this button is on the transfer case shift stick. Once the button is pressed, you then shift into H4 or L4.
It sounds like your buddy has "on-the-fly" 4WD. All he has to do is push a single button to lock the hubs and be in either 4-HI or 4-LOW. That is pretty slick. One disadvantage to this, however, is that if the electrical components fail, you may be up the creek. You won't have this problem with manual-locking hubs.
But like I said before, you do not need to find yourself in a sticky situation to get out and lock your hubs. As soon as you hit the dirt, lock the hubs even if you are in 2WD mode. You can drive around this way all day long if you like. You are not going to break anything. Then when you hit or are about to hit mud, loose sand, etc., shift into 4WD. Don't wait until it's too late.
One comment about 4-LOW. You should only use it when you really need it. For a beginner, it is really important to be going very slowly and have the truck in neutral (if you have an automatic transmission) or depress the clutch pedal (if using a manual transmission)when shifting in or out of 4-LOW. If not you could seriously damage the 4WD components. But this is all in the Tacoma Owner's Manual. I would also recommend picking up a copy of "Shifting into 4WD-The SUV Owner's 4WD Handbook" by Harry Lewellyn. It help makes sense of all this
4WD drive mumbo jumbo. Good Luck.