Happy Thanksgiving!

You Might Be a Redneck This Thanksgiving If...

... you've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a ping-pong table.

... Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.

... you've ever reused a paper plate.

... if you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

... if you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

... your turkey platter is an old hubcap.

... your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.

... your stuffing's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.

... your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.

... side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.

... you have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

... the directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."

... you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

... you have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

... your secret family recipe is illegal.

... you serve Vienna sausage as an appetizer.

... sooooo.... what's ye point?

Ya'll have a real nice day, eat too much and be sure to unbutton your britches when you sit down on the couch to watch the game and take a nap

Kate

Yep.. that unbuttoning part is important. Last time I sat down after Thanksgiving dinner the threads holding the button broke, the button shot off and nearly killed the cat.

That's nicer than, "those not in the USA ... neener neener neener ..."

Subject: FW: The Night Of Thanksgiving..

'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned - The dark meat and white But I fought the temptation With all of my might.

Tossing and turning With anticipation The thought of a snack Became infatuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door And gazed at the fridge, Full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey And buttered potatoes, Pickles and carrots, Beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling So plump and so round, 'Til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling, Floating into the sky With a mouthful of pudding And a handful of pie.

But, I managed to yell As I soared past the trees.... Happy eating to all - Pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be tasty, May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes 'n gravy Have nary a lump.

May your yams be delicious May your pies take the prize, May your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off of your thighs.

May your Thanksgiving be blessed!

The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!