by a man later charged with kidnapping, second-degree attempted assault,
driving under the influence of intoxicants, third-degree criminal mischief
and reckless driving in connection with the incident. According to the
story, the cyclist yelled "slow down!" after which the driver went back to
hit him. But is it real?
Yeah it's real. I live in the city this happened in. Honestly, we all
What actually happened is that the cyclist is one of these jerkoff cyclists
who's mission in life is to yell obscenities at any driver that passes him
a speed that he thinks is too fast. His usual call is "slow down asshole"
Most of us drivers in Portland hear that a lot and we of course ignore
it, or at most think to ourselves "just shut the fuck up"
In this particular instance, the driver was drunk and instead of just
doing the right thing and ignoring it, and moving along, the driver
decided his manhood must have been insulted and so decided
to chase the cyclist down. The cyclist, instead of simply
riding off the street and into a narrow alley or some such where
the car cannot go, like most normal people would have, decided
to play cat and mouse with the car. The end result is what you
saw in the picture.
Needless to say when the driver was interviewed by the local
paper, his comment was something along the lines of "duhhh,
whhaaatttt? Is there something to drink around here?" and the
cyclist when he was interviewed gave the impression of a
yapping Pomeranian while proceeding to claim that he didn't
actually say "asshole" he said "gashole" and that he was "frightened
for his life" yet if he had to do it over again he wouldn't change
a thing, and still plans to continue yelling at drivers that he thinks
are going too fast. Whereupon after the interview, the cyclist then
proceeded to go zoobombing. For an explanation of what kind
of insane ritual zoobombing is, view some of these:
Basically, what we have here is the equivalent of what happens
during your typical drunk frat party. Unfortunately both the
driver and the biker aren't dealing with campus security, they
are dealing with a city police force which is pretty fed up with
the baloney on both sides of the fence, and is looking to throw
the book at some scapegoats.