My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy.
My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying.
The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born
without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag
filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they
could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would
like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.
Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people.
I said, "Don't cry Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy
always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and
it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this
email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know
too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this
email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel
to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school
children all over America and have the astronauts take them up
into space so that the angels can hear them better.
Then they will come back to Earth and go to the Pope, and he
will take up a collection in church and send all the money to
the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then maybe
one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only
be third base. Every time you forward this letter the astronauts
can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer
to coming true. Please help me.
Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to
rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this email, that's
okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't
care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that
if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach,
she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever
in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take
five freaking minutes to forward this to all your friends so
that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless
Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I
had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold
a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury it's turds in
the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Thank You, Billy "Smiles" Evans
P.S. You can send money to the person who sent you this because
that person is very trustworthy.
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