Ford Trucks: The key to identfing a Die Hard Ford Fan Redneck
There are 3 basic types of Die Hard Ford Fan Rednecks (give or take)
The first type, i like to call them the "yo sem-mity sam type" got the bald head, with the cow-boy hat on, whiskers the size of their Ford-A-Matic serpentine belt, always wearing stone-washed jeans, always wearing sun glasses. usually wearing a white t-shirt, and a belt with the buckle "of course the Ford logo", has a real country accent, can't spell worth shit, and 9 times out of 10, will be seen driving a Ranger.
The second type, i like to call them the "Hank Williams Jr. type" these guys are about 450-500 pounds on the hoof, wearing 1980's style sun glasses, got on black jean pants, with a black t-shirt, with a faded picture of Hank Williams Jr. on it, from when he went to one of his concerts way back when (stomach sticks out below the shirt line, very disgusting).., has a beard like a cats furr on his face, never cuts his hair, has a hat on most of the time, and its the type of hat that semi-truckers wear, you know, the ones that are square like frankinstein..., and the way he walks, its mostly one hoof in front of the other, but with his feet turned sideways.. usually drives 1 of three things, an 86 style mercury grand marquis, gray or silver in color...or a 79 F-150 brown and all rusted to hell, blue smoke comes out whats left of the exhaust pipe..or a (depending on how rich he his) brand new Excursion..
and finally, The third type. this one looks like a character from the simpsons, long nose, shoulder length hair, yellow-tint face, wears those mirror type sun glasses that shape around half their head, has a "Ford racing" hat on, wearing jeans that are now shorts that he'd cut earlier that day...has black shoes, with white ford logo socks on, now this type is very different to the others, you see, he thinks, eats, sleeps, nothing but "Ford" what i mean is he never says nothing but "Ford" or Ford Truck" for example, his friend might ask, "hey dude, wanna go bar hopppin" his response would be "Ford" or his friend might ask, "wanna go muddin" his response would be "Ford-Truck!" now since he only speaks those two phrases, he doesn't have a license to drive..but he's most likely to be seen with his friend in a 1986-89 style F-150 green, brown, white two tone color....
now, you can identify and find these guys at your local Wal-Mart, b/c they are always there usually in the automotive section, looking at trailer hitches...when you come into contact with any 3 types, be careful, they can see you and they know what you are, your a "Dam-Chevrolet-ist" you drive a "Dam-Chevrolet" and they tell you that too,... for example, they'll give you this look their eyes opens up all the way, and there facial expression it like there grunting, mouth open etc.....and they never say "Chevy" its either "Chevrolet" or "Dam-Chevrolet" (usually has the word "Dam" in front)..... also, the ending words are usually "My Ford Truck!!!" i hope this helps you all, let me know what you think....
Sincerely, ~ryan~ aka, Dam-Chevrolet-ist