I know what you mean. I bought a set of Bilsteins to replace the Edlebrock IAS shocks on my '98 Dodge Ram 1500 4x4 and went from way too soft to way too firm. I thought the Bilsteins would soften up after getting broken in, but such is not the case and the shocks are as stiff now as when I first installed them (about 6 months ago). So I guess I can tell you what shock NOT to consider (the Edlebrocks), because at least on my Ram, they were almost like running shocks without any oil in them, they're that "loose". I think the next shock I'm going to try is Rancho's 9000X 10-way adjustable shocks. I've had them before on a previous truck (an '88 Toyota) and they worked great.
I actually have two trucks, and to tell the truth, I think I'll be putting the Bilsteins on the other truck (a '01 Ford F-250 Superduty CrewCab 4x4) because I need the stiffer, gas-charged shocks to help with towing a heavy
5th wheel trailer.
Good luck.