Lube service costs

Have you ever changed the fluid in a Jeep auto trans? If so you know exactly what you're in for, but if you haven't then 9 days before you get married is a lousy time to learn. I am VERY handy when it comes to working on mechanical things, so I though how hard can it be to change the transmission oil? The answer: it's really simple, but it will create the biggest $(%*!!!^&%%# mess in your drive way that you have ever seen. I particularly enjoyed the rainstorm of transmission fluid splashing every where but into the drain pan. Fortunately Bill clued me into the mess that would be created, so thinking I was a smart guy I put down a plastic drop cloth. It worked well until the fluid started running off the plastic on to the driveway. By the time I was finished cleaning the mess up I could have . . . well this says it best

How to Change the Oil in Your Jeep. . .

Women:

1. Pull in to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change
2. Drink a cup of Cappuccino
3. Fifteen minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained Jeep

Men:

1. Go to NAPA Auto Parts and pay for oil, filter, hand cleaner, and scented tree air freshener.
2. Discover that your used oil collection container is full; take it to the recycling center
3. Spend 20 minutes trying to locate your floor jack and jack stands; no luck
4. Have a beer; you don't really need to jack up the Jeep anyway
5. Place used oil collection container under the engine
6. Pull out socket wrench and socket; the 5th one you try is finally the correct size
7. Unscrew oil drain plug
8. Drop drain plug in oil; splashing hot oil all over you (and the garage floor) in the process
9. Wipe off face with dirty shop rag and sprinkle kitty litter on garage floor where oil splashed
10. Have another beer while oil is draining
11. Look 15 minutes for oil filter wrench; no luck
12. Poke oil filter with a Phillips screwdriver and twist it off
13. Wipe oil off of your arm with same dirty rag used in step 9; sprinkle more kitty litter on floor
14. Buddy shows up; finish off 6-pack with him. Screw the oil change; finish it tomorrow!
15. Next day, drag full oil collection container out from underneath the Jeep
16. Sprinkle more kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15
17. Have a . . . wait, no beer left, drank it all yesterday
18. Walk 2 miles to Corner Store; buy more beer
19. Apply a thin coat of clean oil to gasket and install new oil filter
20. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine
21. Remember drain plug from step 8!
22. Scramble to find drain plug in oil collection container
23. Hurry to replace drain plug before entire quart of fresh oil drains all over floor
24. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame; bang head on floor board in reaction
25. Begin cussing fit and throw wrench across garage
26. Clean up and apply Band-Aid to knuckles
27. Sprinkle kitty litter on one entire quart of fresh oil now pooled under the Jeep
28. Have another beer
29. Dump in remainder of oil into engine
30. Realize that while you were under the Jeep, it would have been a good time to grease everything, bleed the brakes, replace those dry-rotted body spacers, and find out where that hideous clanking noise is coming from
31. Drive back to NAPA and buy another 0 worth of parts that either won't fit, will break when you try to install them, or will be saved for a later project (all of which will have long been misplaced by the time you are ready to start subject project)
32. Drive Jeep (1-quart low of oil) for 7,000 miles; then return to Step 1