OT my wife's ability to destroy automobiles

I remember fizzies! I liked the root beer flavor... especially made in one of those aluminum tumblers. Electric!

Don't be too hard on the trouble and strife... she's worth a debacle or two, I'm sure. Please keep relating them to us! Worth the price of admission. __ Steve .

Stephen Cowell did pass the time by typing:

...mental note... Never read ramjw after returning from the pub.

I.. can't... breathe.... laughing... tooo.... loud... Sides hurting...

Glad to hear your vehicle is mostly ok.

My girlfriend had a P.O.S. ford ranger when i met her. She said it never needed oil, but it always did when I checked, I discovered she checked it with the engine running. She had 5 junker cars blow up on her. Duh! I fixed up a nice BMW for her, and spent more time teaching her to be paranoid about maintenance than the finer points of mountain driving. That paid off, I had to go 85 miles to check what i thought would be a failed alternator, discovered the rubber mounts for the alt failed and it threw all belts. If I had let her have a local gas station monkey fix it, she would have had the symptom fixed but not the cause, and still might not have made it home.

Great story, I'll have to send this to my sister. She had let her car go so far past an oil change that the oil filter was plugged to the point where she also got the warning light to come on.

The call to me was that that car would smoke from time to time, and could I check it out. I went to her place and we went for a drive.

In my town there are a set of lights near the police station, and I had to stop for the red light that day. The engine didn't smoke when you first ran the engine cold. It wasn't until the motor was warmed up and you were accelerating from a stop that you could see any smoke. But the smoke came out so much that traffic had to stop!

When I parked I started to ask all the things that she'd done. Everyone at work told her to add oil if that red light came on and she did so every day for a week.

I drained two gallons of oil out before it was low enough for the proper levels. The police saw us go by and followed to make sure that no one crashed due to the cloud of smoke. They were able to follow us all the way back to her house.

Walking up the driveway I could tell they were not happy. When I told them what she had done to the car, they walked away laughing.

the phone rings... my wife frantic, says: "Is that you Angus?" "Aye" I say... (wondering just what other Scotsman she expects to answer the phone at home)

"I broke my car again" (again IS very fitting) " I went to the car wash and this black thing flew off when I washed it."

Me: "aye?!"

"then when I left there was a red light on, it was the one with the sprinkler on it"

Me: "aye??" (wondering just which bloody light she is talking about, I have no memory of any sprinkler on the indicators, but it may not be a bad idea in her case. Now, truthfully, have YOU seen any sprinklers on your instruments?)

"I stopped by tom thumb (a local low budget 7-11) and the boy said I needed oil. (Ah! the oil can... I guess it could look like a watering tin in a way...) "I put some oil in, but I ran out of change before the light went off. then it started smoking really bad and stopped, now it won't do anything. Can you come help me?"

Me: "Aye, ah'm coming" (click of phone hang-up)

Drive 45 miles to town, find her sitting in her Mitsubishi, happy as a sand boy, bonnet up, oil under it... LOTS of oil! thinking to myself just how did she manage to goose the damn thing again?!?!?! No holes in block, oil pan is in one piece, and plug is in it. What could she have done? She said she put the oil the plug marked "engine oil". Hmmmmmm.... It looked like she sprayed a few bottles of 10-30 all about the engine just to be sure everything was completely coated.

I pulled the dipstick out, and oil GUSHED out. I could see I was going to need a few bellywashers to take even begin to solve this one.

the 3000 got a tow home... again. (should be getting frequent rider miles soon, I had to listen to the wrecker driver's gob flapping about liking the ride in the country.) After an hour of trying to solve the newest mechanical debacle I found the "black thing" was a rubber boot for the instrument oil pressure sender taking flight from the wire. The connector was broken, well, more like torn off, from a shot of the pressure hose. (the ECM uses a separate sensor) and she had enough "loose change" to put over 10 quarts in the motor! (on top of the normal 5) it finally filled the case, and into the air box, drowning the motor in it's own juice. and causing the whole contraption to come to a smoking halt. The oil all over was from the "nice guy" at tom thumb helping her add oil... with the engine running, spewing the stuff everywhere. Somehow she remembered the manual said to check and add oil with the engine running in park (yes, I know... but I am not even going to try to explain that to her.)

Once the motor stopped the oil seeped into the cylinders, and locked the motor up. Somehow the seals survived, at least so far.

Some days I think she eats fizzies for breakfast, and the CO2 bubbles cause complete mechanical retardation.

Glad to hear your wife is mostly OK, too. ;-)

My wife called me yesterday while I was at Wal-Mart to tell me she was stuck in our driveway in her new YJ. I asked if she had put it in 4 wheel drive, she said no, that she didn't know how. My fault, I guess, for not showing her the extra shifter next to her leg, labled 4wd. She made it.

I'm pretty lucky. My wife does her own minor maintenance (plugs, wires, oil, etc). When she calls me about her vehicle - I get worried.

ever put a fizzie in a Pepsi????

Approximately 10/10/03 07:00, Jeepers uttered for posterity:

Ex-missus escapades: [guess why she is "ex"]

1. With a set of chains on a 466 cu/12.5:1 rodded '66 Impala, manages to park on a slight downhill by running the front tires *over* the parking curb barrier. Tries to recover by putting in reverse and stepping on it... with full locker rear differential. The Sears folks were not amused by the twin holes dug thru their parking lot asphalt pavement.
2. Same hopped up Impala. Slides on ice and ends up just slightly off road. Nothing really damaged on car or any property. To get back on road, sticks the thing in first gear and floorboards it. Car lunges across road, taking out two mailboxes and a telephone pole--plus stuffs the radiator into the front of the engine. Wife too scared to call, so friendly cop does. Cop's first question: "What in *hell* do you have under the hood of that thing..."
3. Let the little fluff head borrow my other hot rod, a tuned up turbo Corvair Corsa while the body and radiator of the Chev are being fixed. Get call at work:

Fluff: The Corvair is making a funny noise.

Me: What were you doing this time?

Fluff: This guy in a Firebird annoyed me, so I was trying to show him this Corvair can beat his screaming buzzard.

Me: What kind of noises, please tell me not a knocka knocka.

Fluff: More like a knocka whoosh, knocka whoosh, and it doesn't run too evenly.

Me: [sniff, boo hoo, why *ME*?]

Somehow had managed to blow a hole right thru the top of a piston before it blew the rod.

Bought her a Vega and started looking for divorce lawyers. Never did let her have the keys to the Porsche.

It's a genetic trait that all women share.

Did you manage to save any of that fresh new oil for future oil changes?

I know this isn't funny, but yet it's funny. Hopefully the engine is OK, and you should go slap the nice guy at the parts store. I would let your wife check my oil before I would let some of the auto parts counter workers check my oil.

Chris

Ok, so there is an advantage to my g/f not having learned to drive yet ... I've already been mean and told her she's not learning in my Jeep.

Dave Milne, Scotland '99 TJ 4.0 Sahara

: > the phone rings... my wife frantic, says: "Is that you Angus?" "Aye" I : > say... (wondering just what other Scotsman she expects to answer the : phone : > at home) : >

: > "I broke my car again" (again IS very fitting) " I went to the car wash : and : > this black thing flew off when I washed it." : >

: > Me: "aye?!" : >

: > "then when I left there was a red light on, it was the one with the : > sprinkler on it" : >

: > Me: "aye??" (wondering just which bloody light she is talking about, I : have : > no memory of any sprinkler on the indicators, but it may not be a bad idea : > in her case. Now, truthfully, have YOU seen any sprinklers on your : > instruments?) : >

: > "I stopped by tom thumb (a local low budget 7-11) and the boy said I : needed : > oil. (Ah! the oil can... I guess it could look like a watering tin in a : > way...) "I put some oil in, but I ran out of change before the light went : > off. then it started smoking really bad and stopped, now it won't do : > anything. Can you come help me?" : >

: > Me: "Aye, ah'm coming" (click of phone hang-up) : >

: > Drive 45 miles to town, find her sitting in her Mitsubishi, happy as a : sand : > boy, bonnet up, oil under it... LOTS of oil! thinking to myself just how : did : > she manage to goose the damn thing again?!?!?! No holes in block, oil pan : > is in one piece, and plug is in it. What could she have done? She said she : > put the oil the plug marked "engine oil". Hmmmmmm.... It looked like she : > sprayed a few bottles of 10-30 all about the engine just to be sure : > everything was completely coated. : >

: > I pulled the dipstick out, and oil GUSHED out. I could see I was going to : > need a few bellywashers to take even begin to solve this one. : >

: > the 3000 got a tow home... again. (should be getting frequent rider miles : > soon, I had to listen to the wrecker driver's gob flapping about liking : the : > ride in the country.) After an hour of trying to solve the newest : mechanical : > debacle I found the "black thing" was a rubber boot for the instrument oil : > pressure sender taking flight from the wire. The connector was broken, : well, : > more like torn off, from a shot of the pressure hose. (the ECM uses a : > separate sensor) and she had enough "loose change" to put over 10 quarts : in : > the motor! (on top of the normal 5) it finally filled the case, and into : the : > air box, drowning the motor in it's own juice. and causing the whole : > contraption to come to a smoking halt. The oil all over was from the "nice : > guy" at tom thumb helping her add oil... with the engine running, spewing : > the stuff everywhere. Somehow she remembered the manual said to check and : > add oil with the engine running in park (yes, I know... but I am not even : > going to try to explain that to her.) : >

: > Once the motor stopped the oil seeped into the cylinders, and locked the : > motor up. : > Somehow the seals survived, at least so far. : >

: > Some days I think she eats fizzies for breakfast, and the CO2 bubbles : cause : > complete mechanical retardation. : >

: >

: >

: >

i need to bone up on history... which mistake happened first?

did we give them the right to drive, or the right to vote first??

:-X

-Steve 98 TJ

only what I managed to squeeze from my shirt, hair, beard, socks... my garage floor is awash with 10-30. I didn't really plan for nearly 15 qts to pour out all over me, I pulled the plug, and watched the 6 qt pan fill, then start overflowing, with nothing to catch the remainder of this virtual cornucopia of oil. There I was, thumb in the hole, trying to kick a bucket over closer, oil running down my creeper, just a generally nasty mess.

seals are still not dripping, but it is hard to tell, since there is a rather nice coat on everything.

I used to get mad, I was sure no one could be that completely daft... But now it's become a bit of entertainment, you never know what is going to happen next. I enjoyed the day we received a notice in the post, raising the rate for her emergency tow insurance. Not that I liked paying more, I just wondered what took them so long!

ROTFL!!! No wonder she's an ex.