Last week I got a summons to appear in court today about "failing to reply to an official letter regarding the driver of VW Golf reg number B??? ???" which is my faithful mk2 GTi.
So I rang the DVLA in Preston who sent the letter, and informed them in my best highly peeved way that I didn't receive any such letter, and that I'm a bit pissed off that I have to go to court and pay them £45 for the joys of a visit to the Magistrates.
They replied "We're the DVLA, we can send you a letter in the normal post and treat it as if it's recorded delivery, if I were you I'd plead guilty by post and pay the fine, you could try faxing us to get the proceedings stopped, but you will still have to pay the £45 court costs and the fine, which can be up to £1000".
I informed them that they could "stick their special postmen up their arse" and that "I'd see them in court"..
I then hung up and thought "Fuck, that's gonna cost me a grand that is"...
Anyway, today I was up in Liverpool Magistrates...
Walked in, had to do the usual "Are you Peter M?, do you live at?, is your date of Birth?" etc stuff.
Clerk - "Mr M, do you have a solicitor?" Me - "Not right now, no, I doubt I need one to be honest" C - "right, er, ok then. Do you know why you're here?" Me - "yes" C - "On the 10th April last year you were sent a letter asking who the keeper of a VW Golf, B??? ??? was, you failed to reply to that letter, which is an offence against RTA blah blah, do you understand the charge brought against you" Me - "Yes, I understand that's what is meant to have happened" C - "Meant to have happened?" Me - "I didn't receive the letter, and as I wasn't in the country, I couldn't SORN the vehicle because it's an offence for someone who's not a company secretary or Director to fill in any official documents regarding a company vehicle. Besides, it was taxed when I left the country, but it expired when I was away. Nothing I could do, I wasn't going to break the law just to keep the DVLA happy. I've already explained this to the DVLA in Preston who told me I should just pay the fine". Woman from DVLA - "I'd like to drop all charges" Magistrate - "Ok, Mr M, you may go. Sorry for the inconvenience."
Quality. Left room to sounds of Magistrate tearing shreds out of DVLA woman.