Volksitis

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- rookie
  
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posted
20 years ago

Wed, Aug 27, 2003 4:14 PM

Volksitis - A new disease

Okay - I got a serious case of Volksitis (pronouced Volks-eye-tis)

Symtoms - Stuttering, Loss of energy and optic lenses fail to return to their upward position (Limp-Lens)

Volksitis is a combination of two subviruses that attack the victim:

One subvirus is Glasdropdownis: (Glass-drawp-dow-nis) This virus goes after the optic lenses, eating away the tendons that support it and causing it to fail. Once the first tendon fails, the virus will wait until the first tendon has been healed, then will attack the 2nd tendon. Even though doctors are aware that the virus works this way, they refused to treat the 2nd tendon until it shows symptons of the virus. In most cases, modern medicine cures this virus and it does not return once both lenses have been treated. Treatment involves surgery and a prostetic replacement. In the past it was very difficult to obtain the prostetics, but now the medical community has ramped up production to meet its needs. Each operation usually requires the patient to miss work for one day.

The other subvirus is Coilpacosis: (Coy-yaw-pak-o-sis) This Virus works by attacking the central nervous system and disrupting the electric impulses sent by the brain to the hearts chambers. This disruption causes stuttering and stammering, loss of energy and a foul odor emitting from the rear. This problem is somewhat like "Glasdropnis" because it strikes, waits until it's healed and strikes again. In the past, doctors would just treat the affected chamber, and wait until the others failed - but this caused many patients to stop coming to that particular doctor and search out alternative medicines - this prompted the medical community to agree to irradicate the virus all at once when symptoms first appear. In most cases the symptoms will not appear again once all chambers have been treated, but there are some cases where the virus has erupted again. Prostetics are used to repair the damage, but in the past the prostetics were faulty and hard to locate, needing to be redesigned. After the loss of many patients, a new prostetic was discovered and has saved many lives.

The above humor is the sole property of Rook from 20Vturbo, feel free to distribute with credit given to author.

Rook

BTW - my window dropped yesterday, thus completing the cycle for me.

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- Peter Cressman
  
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posted
20 years ago

Wed, Oct 1, 2003 2:58 AM

ROTFLMAO

So Very True!

- Peter

their upward position

support it and causing it to

tendon has been healed, then

works this way, they

most cases, modern medicine

treated. Treatment involves

obtain the prostetics, but

operation usually

the electric impulses sent

stammering, loss of

like "Glasdropnis" because

doctors would just treat the

patients to stop coming to

prompted the medical community to

most cases the symptoms

some cases where the virus

past the prostetics were

many patients, a new

distribute with credit

- P
- Peter Cressman
  
  Contact options for registered users
Vote on answer
posted
20 years ago

Wed, Oct 1, 2003 3:06 AM

Another Subvirus, applicable to vegetarian patients:

MAFitis: (MAPH-EYE-TIS)

Symptoms: Similar to Coilpacosis, with the addition of an amber colored blinking pupil, combined with poor energy levels and unpleasant emissions from the rear.

This virus targets the lining of the respiratory system. It eats away at the lining of the respiration apparatus, causing extreme amounts of debris to enter the heart chambers. The prosthetic has been known to cause a severe cause of walletectomy (similar to lobotomy, colonoscopy etc.) The long-term effects of prosthetic replacement are unknown, however initial test results look promising. A possible symptom of MAFitis is an increased hunger. Parental Neglect in regards to respiratory maintenance is also a prime suspect of MAFitis.