Ford and GM hope to avoid Chapter 11 by introducting two new models, and pining their Corporate futures on them.
GM says that its new model, a six wheel drive 9800 lbs SUV is just what the Elmer Fudds of this great Country are asking for. The new SUV will be powered by a world class Vortec 789 cubic inch Supercharged X 24 cylinder Engine. The engine will produce 875 hp and use a new 6 speed automatic transmission. The new SUV is a 4 passinger 4 door setting on new 295/40 x 32 wheels and will be built by the Cadilac Divison. Cadilac will be calling their new SUV, the Yokon King - Super Prairie Express Crusier. The SUV has a very respectful EPA fuel rating of 5 city and 7 hyway and has suggested base price of $102,987.31.
Ford has countered with a new SUV being built by its Lincoln Division, and will be called the Blitzkrieg Estate Galleon. It is slightly smaller, wieghing in at 8600 lbs and is a double decker 6 passenger 4 wheel drive, powered by a 840 cubic inch Power Stroke V 16 Engine producing 765 hp. It will use a highly refine 7 speed automatic transmission, and setting on 295/50 x 30 wheels. An optional Half Track version is also avalable for an addictional $28,000.00. Because it is smaller than the Yokon King, its EPA rating is better at 7 city and 9 hyway and has suggested base price of $93,789. 00.
President Bush was so taken with the Blitzkrieg that he will be taking ownership of the frist one built with the half track option. He claims it will be perfect for climbing the large piles of horse shit on his way to the horse barn to ride his favorite horse "Kenny Boy". The horse was named after his best friend and finacial adviser Ken Lay.
Governer Arnold Schwarzenegger has ordered two of the Yokon Kings, one for himself and one for his Wife. He say its the first SUV he has gotten in to where both he and his ego are comfortable. No girlyboy SUV's for me he said, only the biggest and best. With all that cargo room, he can throw in a couple extra cases of steroids when he goes Prairie Dog huntting in Kanses. The little Misses says she will feel alot safer with her new Yokon King, when she is dodging the parked cars and speed bumps at the local Wal Mart parking lot.
The US Army has express an intrest in the Blitzkrieg half track version to replace its aging Hummv's. They claim the track version will perform in the desert sands a lot better then the wheel version. Rumsfelt said that it is patterned after a WW II Nazi track Vehicle. He went on to say "those Naiz's got it right in more ways then one". President Bush, quotating his Defense Secatary said "with new Blitzkieg we will be able to track down Osama Ben Forgotten". Hay I made a joke Bush said, "track down" get it, eh eh eh eh eh.
Both Ford and GM have stated that they feel they have hit a home run with these new SUVs. A GM manager was over heard saying that American Elmer Fudd buyers are always looking for a newer and better way of keeping their familys safe from foreign aggression. Both SUV's have door pockets for storing a AK 47 or M 16 when used for hutting. He went on to say that if these SUVs fail it will be the Uion's fault.