Dear Mr. Ford (a modest proposal)

Daniel J. Stern · 2006-01-29T06:27:30+00:00

Dear Mr. Ford:I see you're having tough times lately. It sounds as if you realisethis is mostly because people don't want to buy the cars you've got onoffer. That new Ford Five Hundred sedan, and its Lincoln and Mercuryrebadged versions, are total sales flops for you, which has got to betough to stomach. But it's not all bad news; your salvation, at leastfrom the product side of the equation, is right in your own backyard,in Australia. I mention this because it's been the case for about 12years now and you and your predecessors seem not to have noticed it.Bring this car to America, Mr. Ford: . Definitely bring thishigh-zoot version, sure, but also bring the more docile Falcons likethe ones shown at . The2-doors, the 4-doors, the station wagons, and the utes: . Replace the aging anddangerous Clown Victoria with the Fairlane: , and every cop shop andtaxi company will buy your cars because they want to, not because theyhave to.Pay attention, Mr. Ford, for this is the important part: *Don't fuckthem up*. Bring them intact. Do the bare minimum of changes necessaryto comply with North American safety standards: Left-hand drivingposition, DOT-certified headlights and taillights, sidemarker lightsand reflectors, US-spec airbags instead of the safer Australian ones,that kind of thing, sure, but don't downgrade the suspension, brakes,tires or anything else to bring the car in line with what you perceiveas "American tastes". Your notions of "American tastes" are obviouslyin dire need of recalibration, and the machines linked herein are justthe tools to do so. Most imperatively, don't replace the world-class4-litre inline Six engine these cars have with the mediocre V6s you'veheretofore foisted on North Americans. Do what is necessary to ensurethat quality is built into the cars, not slapped on as an advertisingslogan. Bring the cars *intact* from Australia.You don't sell anything I want, Mr. Ford, and you haven't for decades.But do this, Mr. Ford, and I'll buy one. Maybe even...

Jan 29, 2006 102 Replies

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Jon R Patrick 20 years ago

DTJ wrote in news: snipped-for-privacy@4ax.com:

Overly broad statement. visit your local dealer and talk with people who've bought from a dealer. This whole "ford and gm dealers suck" is irrevelant... it's your LOCAL dealer who determines your experience... not the opinions or statistics across the us.

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Jon R Patrick 20 years ago

SD Dave wrote in news: snipped-for-privacy@4ax.com:

In the 90's my (then) fiance and I had...

a ford dealer tell me that "I've decided on the car, and now she can decide the color".
a vw dealer show us the trunk mounted cd changer and point out that while I'm driving, she can fold down the rear seats and get into the trunk to change my cd's.

We've never been back to either. jp

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N8N 20 years ago

That's the point, there is no comparison. People are willing to spend more money if they can realistically expect to be treated better.

nate

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