In order to properly pay homage to useful fatty blobs, one must comprehend their unique and important function.
STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC - 11/23/1984
Dear Cecil:
Is there any mammalian species where the males breastfeed
the young? The reason I ask is that the external mammary features of males of the h*mo sapiens might be a vestige from a time when men actively participated in childrearing. Needless to say, if men once had milk- producing capability this would have far-reaching socio-sexuo-political ramifications, to say nothing of the gossip value. --Genuinely Concerned, Washington, D.C.
Cecil replies:
Sorry to put the kibosh on this idea, Gene, which
exhibits the sort of deranged inspiration Cecil loves,
but as far as anybody can tell, there is not now
and never has been a mammalian species in which the
males suckle their young. You bring up an interesting
subject, though, and one that confirms one of my pet epistemological theories, namely, that for any conceivable question, no matter how bizarre, there is some twisted genius somewhere who has devoted his life to researching the answer. Just so with male lactation. The genius in this case is one Martin Daly, a psychology professor at McMaster University in Canada. In 1977 he wrote a monograph entitled "Why Don't Male Mammals Lactate?" which I commend to all serious students of the subject.
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