BMW owners handbook

Summarised below:

Page 1 Comfort: Recline drivers seat to 45 degrees and with left arm cuddling empty passenger seat. Turn up sound system so can be heard coming from a mile away (safety init).

Page 2 Driving: Tail gate, overtake into gaps that are *not quite there*. Sit in middle lane of motorway. Force U turns in heavy traffic, especially when it blocks road as BMW is special and more important than other vehicles. Never indicate. EVER. Let the peasants guess.

Page 3 Parking: As already mentioned, you are better than anyone else so any place will do.

-- bucket

Also, the front fog lights go on automatically when the engine is switched on. Do not attempt to switch them off as this will invalidate your warranty.