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Two cripples try to fix a Ford Focus

Well despite Tuesday night's fun in the virgin snow I'd still like to get the second pair of M&S tyres fitted to the rear of the Focus and at a pinch I think I could almost do it myself having been briefly shown how to operate a tyre changer. However the Gary's one is a bit different and the bead breaker bit doesn't work properly and I'd no doubt c*ck it up and end up stranded in his storage shed at the top of a hill in the middle of nowhere in the snow without a complete set of tyres on the car. Sadly it's academic trying to do it on my own just now because I've managed to put a hip out which is a wussy way of saying I've probably just strained a hip muscle a bit and it's quite ouchy when I try to walk.

How did I manage to get this terrible afflication? Going arse over tit on the ice? Delivering a stunning karate kick to a trespasser intent on my belongings? Ummm no. Just trying to get my jeans off before bed. I know, I know. It's pathetic. If this is what it's like being 52 god help me when I'm

  2. "Not to fear" you all cry though. I have a Gary to do this sort of manly thing for me so I should care not a jot. I wish! In a stunning display of selfishness, done no doubt purely to get out of helping me with both this and fixing my reverse light he's gone and given himself a full blown hernia complete with bulgy bit sticking out of the groinal area. I could understand that at my age and given I'm a bit of train wreck with the years of smoking, boozing and excess weight in the tummy area but he's only 44, active every day and never smoked.

So no doubt it took something fairly drastic to give a fit young chap a hernia? Hardly the sort of thing he'd get undressing before bed. Lifting a crashed car off a trapped accident victim in a burst of adrenalin maybe? Straining on a stuck bolt without bracing his legs properly first?

Nope. He did it getting up out of his seat after a meal at a restaurant! The words "blouse, girl's and big" spring to mind in no particular order.

So that's the both of us f***ed and my car will have to stay as it is for now. Between us we could probably just about manage to supervise someone who does actually have full use of all his body parts without screeching out in pain but that's about it. Thankfully it's the 21st century and I'm sure we'll both go on to make a full recovery but if this were the stone age I think we'd be obliged to walk off into the wilderness like Captain Oates after leaving a note saying "I'm just going outside and may be some time" so that the tribe could be run by someone young enough and fit enough to take up the alpha male position.

My mid-life crisis is hopefully nearly over. His is clearly just starting. Even I've never managed to injure myself having dinner.

So if anyone ever asks you "how many cripples does it take to change a reverse light bulb on a Ford Focus?" the answer is at least three because the two of us couldn't do it at the moment.

Reply to
Dave Baker
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Been there, done that. I got a hernia in my mid 20's, tried to ignore it and live with it but it gradually got worse and I eventually gave in. Fixed in my early 30's. Life has been much better since! The time from seeing GP to surgery was about 6 months though :(

Reply to
AlanD

if you have the cash then you can get it done virtually next day, there are several specialist private places.

Reply to
Mrcheerful
[...]

My health authority is one that out-sources to private hospitals when busy. I saw a consultant (at 7pm!), and had the surgery within a couple of weeks.

I had a mesh repair, which involves lower levels of trauma and is likely to be everlasting. A month later and all was well.

Chris

Reply to
Chris Whelan

The one where I live now (Bakewell) does that. The obvious downside is going to a private ward, but hey.

I'd guess the topic-OP is London based. 18 months for ultrasound. A year for ECG - and the results were lost even then. Although strangely enough when I went out with a nurse access to healthcare in London was a lot better - but she knew which hospitals did what, so you effectively became a by-borough health tourist.

Rob

Reply to
RJH

In message , RJH writes

My last ECG was done at my GP surgery, at a few minutes notice, and transmitted to the local PCT. An appointment to see a consultant followed within a few weeks. I'm speaking of Stockport, Cheshire.

Reply to
Gordon H

Only 8 miles from Alderley Edge, where footballers buy houses....

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So maybe consultants are generally "on the ball" up there ;-)

Reply to
Adrian C

The Gary's doctor has also recommended a mesh repair with the caveat that it might need a month off work to fully heal. This is freaking him out considerably as he never takes any time off work. He's the only person I know who never pulls a sickie and goes into work even when sniffling and dribbling from cold and flu. Such honesty is rare these days.

On the bright side my hip seems to be ok again. After three nights of severe ouchiness in bed if I moved more than an inch I'd got fairly close to thinking it might be a hip socket problem which might need a hip replacement one day but it suddenly sorted itself out and I went for a long walk in the woods with the Gary's dogs today with nary a murmur from the leg department.

It's very agreeable having someone else's dogs to take for a walk. It gives one the required daily exercise without having to actually feed the buggers or pay for vet's bills and similar expenses. Going for a walk by oneself is awfully boring but having a couple of dogs along with is much more fun. I may have to get one of my own though because the 9 mile each way trip to the Gary's house to pick the dogs up is like four quid in petrol and way more than a dog would actually cost to feed per day if I had my own one.

Reply to
Dave Baker

My girlfriend reckons theirs a market for renting dogs for the weekend :-)

Reply to
Duncan Wood

I was in hospital overnight, and back at work in a moderately active job within a week.

I had some discomfort in the area where the hernia had been for a month or so, although it never hurt before, and I didn't know I had it until a doctor pointed it out.

Chris

Reply to
Chris Whelan

When I used to work, the last thing any one wanted was some work hero spreading their diseases around to the rest of us simply to show what a great employee they are. No, they are not.

Reply to
AC

Hear, hear.

Reply to
Huge
[snip]

As someone who earns his pay from contract work. Agreed. These people are a bloody nuisance they cough and splutter over others who stand to lose money or be in breach of contract if they catch the noxious disease.

Reply to
Steve Firth

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