You must read this on EBay at
Tax plus MOT until the end of this month, chances of passing upcoming MOT about the same as my chances of winning the National Lottery this weekend, comes with assortment of strange creaking noises, wobbly steering, duff radio, 'distressed' upholstery, snail infestation in boot (don't ask) and tyres that go flat if you look at them funny. I think the exhaust is about to fall off too. Would suit someone needing housing for chickens, demolition derby enthusiast, non-fussy homeless person, snail farmer who wants a head start. Will swap for spare change, cat food.
Colour - Unattractive shade of turquoise with contrasting rust patches
Model - J Reg Skoda Favorit - lovingly crafted in the then newly liberated Eastern Europe by an unskilled peasant workforce and disgruntled ex-Volkswagen engineers.
Fuel - runs on pure four star, apparently this is now a mere quid a litre down in London.
Only 48,000 miles on the clock! It's been saying that since 1995, mind you.
Luxury features
Unfortunately the plastic VW badge on the front was long ago nicked by an undiscerning Beastie Boys fan. Why not replace it with a badge of your own? Perhaps one which indicates your political affiliation or your support for a charity or pressure group? Alternatively you could choose one with a witty slogan to amuse your fellow motorists. I suggest simply 'Porsche'.
The car has a sun roof. This doubles as a rain roof and means that you have all the fun of scraping frost from both the inside and the outside of your windshield in winter. Just try not to sit under the drip!
The spacious boot apparently provides an ideal snail breeding habitat. Starter colony is included.
Like many top rally cars, this vehicle starts with a satisfying throaty roar and clouds of blue smoke. Replacing the exhaust and possible the engine will probably correct this.
Features lucky corroded wheel rims.
Safety Features
Metal car body prevents 'fall-apart' (TM the Simpsons)
You'll be pretty damn lucky to get this car going anywhere near the national speed limit, let alone dangerously exceeding it.
For optimum safety, do not drive vehicle.
Sophisticated Anti-Theft Measures
Anti-theft doors emit ear-splitting creak when anyone tries to open them.
Unlikely to be stolen as no car thief in their right mind would let their mates see them driving around in this vehicle.
In-Car Entertainment
The radio hasn't worked since that little problem with the wiring back in
2002 which wrecked three perfectly good batteries in succession. Still, tons of entertainment can be gleaned from pressing the unresponsive buttons without having to listen to distracting music or announcers.Or simply play the amusing 'guess why all the other cars are frantically flashing their lights at you this time' game.
Pictures below:
- The car in all its glory. Don't all rush at once
- Tragically, this kitten was born with a rubber spine. Buy my car and help feed the rubber-spined kitten! No, the rubber-spined kitten is not for sale.