The Virtues of Being Ugly Dear Joe, The other day my girlfriend broke out an old photo album that coincidentally had a bunch of pictures of old boyfriends. Every one of them were really good-looking. I was just joking around and asked her if she thought I was the most handsome guy she has ever dated. She didn't say anything. Then I asked her if she even thought I was good-looking. She hesitated and said that wasn't what she found attractive in me. Needless to say, I kind of freaked out. My own girlfriend doesn't think I'm attractive. How am I supposed to deal with something like that?
L.C.
Dear L.C.,
I'm a homely guy.
Oftentimes when I make that statement people assume that I must have a low self-esteem. People assume that if you don't find yourself attractive then you must have some psychological issues. But for me that's not the case at all. In fact, I have a ridiculously high estimation of myself considering that I'm basically a moron.
What I lack in intelligence, however, I make up for in self-awareness. There is no shame in being ugly as long as you are aware of that fact. Unfortunately, there are too many people running around that have no clue just how terribly unattractive they truly are.
I do my best to point it out to as many people as I can but, sadly, I can't reach everyone. You need to take an honest look at yourself and decide if you fall into the ugly category.
There is a broad spectrum on the ugly scale with plain being on one end and carnie worker reject being on the other. Homely, where I fit in, falls somewhere in the middle. To be honest, I wish I were even uglier than I am. (Contrary to what my friends say I do think that it's possible.) Being ugly has distinct advantages that beautiful people miss out on.
If you decide that your girlfriend was right and you are rather hideous then don't despair. Here are just a few of the reasons why you shouldn't want to be good-looking:
Ugly people are appreciated for their personality -- Beautiful people never know if people like them for who they are or how they look. I know plenty of pretty women and to be perfectly honest I couldn't tell you if they have pleasant personalities or not. Heck, I couldn't tell you if they have a personalities at all. If you're ugly, though, and someone agrees to go out with you it's because they like you for who you are. Unless, of course, you are rich. Then they like you because of your money.
Ugly people are funnier -- Think of all the truly funny people you know. Chances are they are unattractive. That's because ugly people can't take themselves too seriously. "Son, if you can't laugh at yourself, my dad used to tell me, "then you're obviously not looking in the mirror."
Ugly is cheap and easy -- I don't mean that ugly people are cheap and easy (though that too is often the case) but that ugliness is low maintenance. When you're ugly you don't have to worry about trivialities such as make-up, or face lifts, or brushing your teeth. Since nothing you do is really going to matter you can just let yourself go.
Ugly people are more successful -- Beautiful people have everything handed to them. Ugly people, on the other hand, have to work harder to get what they want. Do you think there would be a Microsoft if Bill Gates looked like George Clooney? Great innovations, inventions, and advice columns are always produced by some ugly geek who couldn't get a date and had nothing better to do than improve the world. Our economy if fueled on ugly.
Ugly people are the majority -- Forget the Democrat and Republican parties. Someday we ugly people will unite and become the biggest voting bloc in the country. One day we will take over and have all the pretty people be at our beck and call. I figure that we can hold our first convention at the state fair since we all congregate there anyway.
Ugly is inevitable -- Beauty fades but ugly is everlasting. If we live long enough we eventually all get ugly. Some of us fortunate ones just get there first.