Right then, lets do this properly.

I reckon we should list the 5 worst cars we've ever driven, and why.
hopefully humourous stories of the silliest tricks we've done in the worst
cars we've driven.
Everyone pulls daft stunts when they've got zero respect for the utter lumps of shite we've somehow ended up behind the wheels of.
My list could possibly last all day (most of my more stoned posts seem to...) but I'll try and kick off.
The worst cars I've ever driven are......
1. The Austin Allegro - could understeer even when parked. I very nearly wiped out the Shankly gates with the only one I ever drove..
2. The Yugo Zastava 45? - based on a 1960s Fiat, but much worse to drive Probably the only car I've ever driven that should have been redlined at tickover.
3. The Triumph Spitfire - "unsafe at any speed" Great to sit in, hideous to drive, very shady handling
4. Alfa 33 Sportwagon 4wd- "Sorry Steve" The early one, not the permanant 4 job. Understeer, Understeer, Clunk, Oversteer. Slow with it, terrible pedal layout, monumentally rusty.
5. Ford Zodiac Executive - "It was called Henry" because it wallowed like a drunken Hippo.. but I still want one.
--
Pete M

Ford Capri - Mercedes 500 SEL - Sierra XR4x4
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Pete M wrote:

In no particular order:
Austin Allegro - unconttollable when sliding - stuck it on its side when negotiating a wet carpark in hull, tried to quell understeer using the parking brake.
Ford mondeo diesel - I know I say I like the mondeo, but this one had 140k miles, soggy suspension, early diesel lump (was an L or M reg) and had been owned by a smoker - only had to drive it 8 miles between offices, if I'd had some spare cash on me would have dumped it at other office and taken a taxi home - except the taxi would have been a mondeo diseasel, or a Lada at the time.
Lada Riva 1.5 - my dad's, still has one. Only rear drive car I've not had the tail out, not for foolish lack of trying. Not got enough power to push it out, applying the handbrake just slows it down. Steering so dead I don't know if I'd correct it but at least as they don't make them anyh more if I wrote it off he'd have to buy a proper car. Biggest slap in the face? Offered to give him my 3 yr old S40 and he didn't like it. Nuts, my dad.
Shitroen AX - There is NOTHING nice to say about that car. It wasn't a GT, otherwise I could have said it was fast.
Chrysler Neon - had it on fleet for a year and drove about 40k miles in it. Average 190 miles/tank. Naff 3 spd auto meant the naff 2.0 engine was never at the best rpm to pull the naff handling out of a bend. Would kick down to 1st mid bend just to piss you off, or kick up to 3rd and suddenly stop understeering. The only car where ABS would save your life every journey. Doors never sealed, bits fell off. Eventually the autobox gave up.
That's the five that spring to mind.
--
slightly greasy solar atoms...



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oooh 5 worst :)
5 Metro GTa sorry but they were not designed to be hot hatches and sticking a warmish 1400 in a understeering shed isnt my idea of fun. funnily enough the one i had the misfortune to borrow had a fake roll cage made from cardboard tube and painted weird shit happens in these cars.
4 grandad scorpio 24v fish face. had one of these at my old work as a pool car euuuugh enough said it were a barge. overweight a bastid to park (tad bigger than the XR2's i were into at the time)
3 Punto sporting 16v old shape
wifes got one of these and it has the single worst set of adjustment for driving positions ever seats too high even on the lowest setting, columm doesnt go down far enough. hey i like to sit low in a car but c'mon it were designed with the tallest possible driver being 5 foot eff all. although it does have that nippy little 85 brake 1200 engine which redeems it a bit but it revs like a bas 5000rpm is 90 in 5th try driving it for a while you keep looking for another gear
next step is a 6 speed box out a 1200 elx or the mk2 sporting to sort that problem out its a fooking mare.
2 Mazda 121's
its not even a real car its just a rebadged fiesta nuff said
1 C20 LET Converted Nova
this is the the worst car ever to drive
for a start its a nova yeah yeah i know i've got a C20XE project nova sitting outside the house right now and i'm biased toward em if anything but look at the problems :)
most have at least 300 bhp in a FWD arrangement running through non LSD'd boxes mainly bodged astra GTE 5speed F20's or if your lucky a F28 that WILL BREAK.
traction is available eventually sometime about 10 seconds after you plant the throttle even running wide rubber widest you'll get on is circa 205/40/17's at a push it will still spin the wheels at any speed. too much power to crap a chassis nuff said
althou my red top will be a scooby slayer when i finally fit the throttle bodies on :)
god bless sleepers
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you wern't driving it proplery then :) they are tons of fun in the right hands :)
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Perhaps you should have put some legal tyres on it. Allegros handled very well by the standards of the day - certainly better than the offerings from Ford, etc.
--
*I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant

Dave Plowman snipped-for-privacy@davenoise.co.uk London SW
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says...

1) Austin Allegro 1.3L in dogshit brown. The front tie bar ripped itself out of the subframe. Apparently a common fault.
2) MK2 For Escort Van. This thing was rotten. Did 80 MPH sideways around a duckpond. Heard this banging. Looked underneath to find the front OSR spring hanger bracket seperated from the chassis. Finally killed it when I ran the diff out of oil.
3) Rover 216. Got it from auctions with knackered headgasket. DEcided to put a recon engine in that I got from a Asian engineering firm in Bradford. Engine was really crap. THe bloke who'd done the head seemed to think that you could skim off as much as you want and that minimum head depth was a myth.
4) Yugo Zastafa. Fortunately it wasn't mine but a mates. Even though it was only 2 years old it did things like having wheels fall off. He hated it so much he drove it down a ditch - deliberately.
5) Lada 1600. Nuff said.
--
Conor

life, n.: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Not really done anything silly in cars I hated, 'cos it's usually been whilst the owner has been with me / I've been on a test drive.....
(also bear in mind I've only been driving 6years, so haven't experienced a lot of utter shite 70s BL stuff)
Here's my top 10 list:
1. 'modded' Nova - far too much power for the shite chassis to cope with - wheelspan in 3rd gear on damp roads and torque steered like there's no tomorrow.
2. late model old shape Mini Cooper. Horrible driving position, naff gearchange, shitty A-series engine, poor visibility - like driving a postbox.
3. Fester MkII 1.1 'Festival'. Why did people buy these things?
4. Escrote MkIV 1.6 GL 'Plus'. Mine was a good one - no rust, didn't have the CVH 'death rattle', but it steered like a barge, had stupidly heavy steering at low speeds (even on skinny 155 tyres) and handled like a puppy on ice.
5. Metro GTa (pre-K series). Went quite well, looked nice, but.... odd driving position, very strange rear seats, rusted worse than a 1970s Fiat Mirafiori.
--
Steve H 'You're not a real petrolhead unless you've owned an Alfa Romeo'
http://www.italiancar.co.uk - Honda VFR800 - MZ ETZ300
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Doh! Top 5.....
--
Steve H 'You're not a real petrolhead unless you've owned an Alfa Romeo'
http://www.italiancar.co.uk - Honda VFR800 - MZ ETZ300
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lumps
Hehehe. The first three are my biggest disappointments.
2001 BMW 320d Tourer. After I'd driven the 530d, I was expecting the 320d to be pretty much exactly what I wanted from a car. But instead, it had overly tall gearing, even for a 150 PS and very torquey diesel. And I'm sure it had great chassis balance when pressing on, but during normal driving it felt very isolated, very... dull.
2003 Golf IV GTDI - the 150 PS version. Salesman was telling me how wonderful Golf diesels were, how wonderful Golf GTIs were. Managed to get all sorts of flashing lights going in the dashboard through hooning it. Not a bad car, all up, but very expensive for what it was...
Early 1990s FSO small family car (I forget what it was called), with the XUD 1.9 diesel engine. Understeer, rattle, understeer, more rattle, nasty oversteer, understeer, rattle. The best thing about it was the engine.
The Fiat Uno 60. After my time with the Lancia Y10 and various Cinquecentos, I was expecting this to feel quite alive and entertaining. But, no, shake, rattle and roll was the name of the game... Closely followed by the Punto GT - lovely torquey 200 Nm, awful torque steer, and rubbery handling and gearchange.
Metro MG Turbo. Quick in a Metro way, noisy, difficult gearchange, and way too much power for the braking and grip aspects.
--
The DervMan
www.dervman.com
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That old Polonez Prima thingy ?
--
Lordy

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Hmm... I think it started with a P, yes.
But it was awful. Truly awful. The diesel was about a grand more than the petrol one, and it was the cheapest way to a Peugeot diesel engine... :-/
--
The DervMan
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worst
drove..
Not
XUD
way
Another for the list, but only as it's a disappointment. The Alfa Romeo 156 V6 I'm using for work purposes.
Yes it's quick, yes the engine sounds gorgeous (but not as good as older generation Alfas, in my opinion), but it's nose led. Very nose led. Go into a roundabout at some speed and it understeers. Lift off and it understeers. Admire the scenery and it understeers. Did I mention it understeers?
I should hope that the lesser petrol models are better in the handling department. It would probably be a decent motorway car if it were not for the car's immense thirst. We covered 80 miles and it used 14 litres of petrol, and this is with me driving it and the boss there too. That's, what, 26 to the gallon.
So we can either have lots of understeery action and under 26 mpg, or a more relaxed pace but still cutting along, using stacks of fuel.
No wonder it's for the chop; 35% tax and it's not that good a drivers car, not that good a motorway car, kinda too much engine and not enough of the rest of it.
That said, it's great fun, especially playing "find the limiter in second gear up Pool Bank," a favourite little hobby of mine. I enjoyed it, it just wasn't anywhere near as fluent as I would have expected (and as I'm used to).
--
The DervMan
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156
more
just
One assumes the Ka has to change down to first to get to its limiter going up a steep hill ;)
--
Dan



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156
Just as an actual response, 156's are known for decent handling, you sure you're doing it right...?
--
Dan



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V6 isn't quite as sharp as the TSpark due to the weight, but it's still the best of the FWD V6 saloons - the Sportwagon sorts the weight distribution and is probably the 2nd best car in the range after the 2lt TSpark saloon.
I think someone doesn't really get the point, though.
It's all about the engine - the noise, the performance, the looks and the styling, both inside and out.
However, I'm sure you're right, Dan, given that all Fiat group loosely based on the Tipo floorpan tend towards lift-off oversteer anyway.
--
Steve H 'You're not a real petrolhead unless you've owned an Alfa Romeo'
http://www.italiancar.co.uk - Honda VFR800 - MZ ETZ300
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Romeo
older
Go
sure
I like 156's, especially in that bluey/silver that i beleive Dervy told me it was in on MSN. I think i could forgive it anything, for the colour, the noise, the grunt, the looks, the fact top gear say its Sub Zero :)
--
Dan



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Nuvola Blue, then.
Appreciating classic. But only the pre-facelift model.
--
Steve H 'You're not a real petrolhead unless you've owned an Alfa Romeo'
http://www.italiancar.co.uk - Honda VFR800 - MZ ETZ300
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me
the
When was the changeover year? What are the differences between old and new?
Peter
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There's been 3 different 156s.
Original from 1997 to, hmmm, 2000?
Then the slight tweak to give it clear front lenses from 2000-ish to last year.
Finally, there's the 'facelift' with the 147-alike nose that was launched last year.
Not sure on the new nose, reckon the original is more 'pure' - but the new nose definitely does suit the 166.
--
Steve H 'You're not a real petrolhead unless you've owned an Alfa Romeo'
http://www.italiancar.co.uk - Honda VFR800 - MZ ETZ300
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Nuvola Blue. Oh yes. Quite possibly the nicest colour in any car around at the moment, or indeed ever. I've been toying with the idea of selling the Audi and getting something that's a bit more of a driver's car, and a 156 (probably 2.0TS due to the weight distribution issues) in Nuvola Blue is definitely high on the list. I think they're still pretty pricey though.

I'm quite fickle, the colour alone does it for me.
And to think the thought crossed my mind recently of getting a T reg Rover 220D for a grand......
Peter
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