You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....
- You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table.... in front of her kids.
- The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down -- depending on how much gas is in it.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
- You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
- Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
- Your junior prom offered day care.
- You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
- One of your kids was born on a pool table.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
And Finally:
- An East Texas couple, both real-live rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband " fixed ." The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican, and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.