Oh dear.

Pulled up at a set of lights nice and gently and proceeded to wait. I wasn't in an hurry and I was driving my 11 year old Escory 1400.

Another Escort arrived next to me. This thing is Max Powered to the hilt, body lowered and enough LEDs to ligh up my christmas tree.

He proceeded to rev the knackers off what passed for a vehicle, obviously riding the clutch a bit since it kept jumping forwards a couple of inches.

As the lights changed, I pulled away fairly gently wanting to not be anywhere near the speed demon if he got anything wrong ahead of me.

..and speed machine revved like a demon and floored it hard. In the rain.

Once I got to 50mph (the limit on that stretch). I stopped accelerating gently. 15 seconds later he passed me at about 80.

As he went past, I noticed that, the side of the car was emblazoned with a list of power-ups you can fit, the tops of the wheels rims were obscured by the body it was so low, that the exhaust was bigger than a pint glass and that the Cosworth sticker was crooked.

The registration was V. something.

Ok, so he lost a lot of time by not knowing how to drive and making his wheels go round quickly instead of making the car go fast, but how much does it cost to make a car go slower than a 6 year older version of same car by *that* much. I haven't a clue what model he had, but you can't get much lower than mine.

As he went through the roundabout ahead of us, I was glad he wasn't alongside me. He floored it through and had stupid amounts of understeer at a slow enough speed that I almost caught up with him. It isn't a particularly fast roundabout so I slowed to 40mph and *did* catch him up.

How do you ruin a car *that* badly and still get it through the MOT?

Reply to
Warwick
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Do stuff for Nova, Corasa and Pug's too if the stickers I've seen are anything to go on. Seeing a HKS sticker on a non Jap car tells you everything you need to know about the idiot that owns it.

Reply to
Peter Hill

The message from Warwick contains these words:

Dunno, but there's a kid round here with a very noisy slow motorbike which used to be a quiet fast one.

Reply to
Guy King

Warwick ( snipped-for-privacy@affordable-afpers.co.uk) gurgled happily, sounding much like they were saying :

Taste isn't a part of the MOT.

Reply to
Adrian

£30-£40..about the cost of a K&N filter. They bolt them on and forget the little fact of getting them put on a rolling road to be set up properly.
Reply to
Conor

In news:42105e05$0$2786$ snipped-for-privacy@ptn-nntp-reader04.plus.net, Nik&Andy decided to enlighten our sheltered souls with a rant as follows

Japanese tuning company. Do tuning stuff for Toyotas, Nissans, that kinda malarky. Do nothing at all for Mk5 Escorts or Novas.

Wahey, well done :)

Reply to
Pete M

you get 25bhp for putting the sticker on.

Reply to
Pete M

50bhp easy just boltin one of them mister.
Reply to
gazzafield

lol... Sounds fair though - bolting a GTI sticker onto a 2litre golf adds 5 insurance groups !

Andy

Reply to
Nik&Andy

The message from "Pete M" contains these words:

And there's that polish that you put on the back of the car. Repels air molecules to push you along. Not measured in hp, but in pounds thrust. The more pounds you spend the more pounds thrust you get.

Reply to
Guy King

I think my car is the complete opposite of these things found buzzing round b and q carparks late at night.....

Just for a laugh, i have a E28 m535i with autobox ... fitted with a low ratio limited slip differential. Now picture this: It has steel wheels. No bodykit (nor plastic wheel-arches). All M badges have been removed ... in fact everything which would give the game away is now in the garage!!

And the best bit ... a nice "waste me with your escort" 516 badge (No "i") for added effect!!

I can assure you, everybody with their mondeo/focus/vectra/slk/gt4 thinks i'm driving a wimp car.

The usual trick is to let them roar away first, just to check on their intentions ... then gun it past them before they change into 2nd gear.

(Having peak torque arrive at 20mph in first gear through a torque convertor sorts 'em out).

So now you know ... bin your exhausts with "out of phase" standing waves, your retro fitted k and n filter which has changed your stoichiometric ratio to 18:1, your 1/2 tonne of mdf in the boot ... and get a real car for real fun!!

With regards to boom boom sub boxes: If i was in a band and the drummer played 35 times louder than everyone else, i'd deck him ... so why mr.saxonovafester with "quality" sound have bass 35 times louder than the treble?? .... Because it ain't "quality" thats why.

Reply to
Mr Fix It

our

I've got an ARB air locker sticker on the back of my Citroen, loads more grip in mud and snow :O)

Reply to
George Spigot

Corse it's quality. It's the baddest modern quaaality, just like the new Golf advert. Wonder if the car is as seriously bad remake of the original as the advert?

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harmony, or rhythmMost of it lacks melody and is therefore NOT music.Most of it lacks harmony and is therefore NOT music.Most of it has a broken beat as the drummer can't keep time, so itlacks rhythm and is therefore NOT music.Beats me what it is cos it ain't Jazz either.

Reply to
Peter Hill

Always wanted this in a restyled form....

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Lose the skirts and wing, add copy of Scum and pint of milk glued to dash, mebbe ladder racks for added authentcity and then nip out to Mickey D`s for late evening snack....

Adam

Reply to
Adam Aglionby

Supervan 3, thats a trotter van........... lol

Reply to
George Spigot

The exhausts are a bit small...

Reply to
Duncan Wood

Dunno 'bout that, but I was surprised that the most overrated Eurobox ever could be made even uglier.

Reply to
Carl Bowman

Clever advert though ... they used five different dancers and pasted gene kellys face on them. Does the 2.0 litre gti still have a two digit bhp figure??

Hairdressers car ... looks nice, but slower than a 20 year old bmw 525e!!

Reply to
Mr Fix It

I've seen a vehicle just like that, but it's not a transit, and it's all black. When I saw it, I laughed! The front bumper appeared to be touching the road, just when it was parked up. I don't know how it would go around the corner without shaving the bumpers, if you brake gently it would probably rub too. What makes it even worse is that it's a people carrier kind of vehicle.

It's actually for sale if anybody's interested ;-). Just under =A32000 IIRC, but that's how much you have to pay, not how much they'll pay for you to take it away from them! I don't know how you can get such a rubbish car, and make it so much worse.

Reply to
petermcmillan_uk

Er, nope - it's around 190bhp.

Hardly but at 1400kg you can keep it... (Mk1 was 900kg)

Reply to
DocDelete

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