Contrary to current rumour, and seemingly every edition of Auto Express at the moment, BMW's next generation Mini will in fact be a lot bigger than the current model, at least according to one completely made-up scientist who always appears in Sniff Petrol. Professor Ken Freeply of Nigel Havers College, Kettering claims that instead of merely growing slightly to take account of new legislation and packaging requirements, the forthcoming third generation of the popular fashion car will in fact expand in all directions to become pretty big. "It's quite simple," Prof Freeply explained. "The current Mini is almost 20 percent longer than the original Mini. Therefore, using a special equation which I have just thought of, the next generation model will grow by a similar amount, making it as big as a 3-series. This in itself is rather worrying, but that's nothing to the terrifying prospect we face if we extrapolate this generation-on-generation growth. I think we must face up to the certain knowledge that the sixth or seventh generation Mini will be 700 feet long. Or something." However, the clearly mental brainiac had some more reassuring news for those alarmed by his size-based findings. "Happily, I have also noticed that the gap between the original Mini and the launch of the new car was 42 years. So by the time the scary Mini that will crush us all comes along it will be the year 2211". Prof Freeply later denied that actually the next Mini is launched next year and that his maths was "rubbish".
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17 years ago