Florida Girls

Florida Girls...

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Alabama, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Ohio. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Florida girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done and hot meals on the table every night. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day...most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

Reply to
WES PEARSON
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Reply to
WES PEARSON

Neil already delighted me with that one.

Kidd What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale starts out "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale starts with "Ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Reply to
Kidd Andersson

An Alternative Nursing Home...

I really like this idea. There will be no nursing home in my future......... When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

  1. Gratuities which will only be per day. 2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
  2. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
  3. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
  4. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
  5. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
  6. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
  7. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
  8. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

Reply to
Karl

Reply to
Shaggie

look on the bright side Shag...you are halfway there...

------------------- Chris Perdue "I'm ever so thankful for the Internet; it has allowed me to keep a finger in the pie and to make some small contribution to those younger who will carry the air-cooled legend forward" Jim Mais Feb. 2004

Reply to
Chris Perdue

.............They actually don't like the elderly & infirm. Fixed income low-spenders who fall and break their hips and then have to be helicoptered out to a shore facility............not what they really want. If you were actually at the point in your life where you needed to be in a 'senior living center', you'd probably need some help boarding at the dock where they would very politely escort you back on to the dock and refund your money right there. It happened to one of my aunts.

Reply to
Tim Rogers

You're such a buzzkill, Tim.

Kidd What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale starts out "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale starts with "Ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Reply to
Kidd Andersson

.............hee hee

Reply to
Tim Rogers

shore to ship.

Reply to
ilambert

How about a resort, then? My wife and I went to St Thomas for our honeymoon and stayed at this resort where all the food and drinks were included in the package deal thing. They'd start almost forcing you to drink rum drinks every morning at about 9am, just as soon as you pulled yourself away from the all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet. Hmm... I may be onto something here... :-D

Reply to
Shaggie

Hmmm... Not quite sure how to take that, but it seems that no matter which way I take it I still feel like I've been insulted. :-)

Reply to
Shaggie

wonder why that is?.....LOL...well...hmm....i guess it means you could already be old....or maybe you are already feeble...or in the bestcase scenario, you are halfway through your usable life before you *are* old and feeble.... hope this helps clear it up....LOL

------------------- Chris Perdue "I'm ever so thankful for the Internet; it has allowed me to keep a finger in the pie and to make some small contribution to those younger who will carry the air-cooled legend forward" Jim Mais Feb. 2004

Reply to
Chris Perdue

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