Mr Firth to the Jaguar phone, please

There's the issue. This one had *too much*, for me, at least. And Katie.

So essentially you're saying that the new A4 is indeed as s**te as I have made it out to be?

No, not even slightly.

They've cut a couple of corners to keep it significantly cheaper than the equivalent BMW and add some toys.

For me, though, the seats, missing clutch footrest and cruise being an option kind of kill it off.

Shame, really, as I really wanted to like the car - and overall I did, but it would need the best part of a grand of options adding for it to be 'right' for me.

The handling, steering, engine, gearbox etc were all very good indeed and overall it's a very nice cabin - especially the 5" colour screen and 'iDrive'-alike control system. Great quality stereo, too, with an SD card slot for MP3 playback.

Recaro seats, a clutch footrest and cruise, are all standard on my car. Won't HR allow anything non-pikey ;) ?

And how much were those seats as an option?

Nothing, they're standard on this model, hence why I said 'standard on my car'.

If you want something and it's worth paying for, you'll pay for it...

But luckily, as I keep repeating, they're standard on the model I own. I really can't think of anymore ways to explain this. They were not option when new, they're the standard fitment. The end.

Thought you said seats were a paid for option on them?

Anyway, yours in French, the only way they get people to buy them is to throw goodies at them.

People 'comfortable with their sexuality' got heated leather and foot rest but no cruise as standard if they bought my car when it was new. They also got Bilsteins, slippy diff and a grin that handled rather nicely.

(c:

Although it was a limited run chav special, costing around £1300 more than the standard car.

Essentially it was an 'option pack'....

Not on the F1.

I'm not sure cruise was the deciding feature in many peoples choice when choosing a hot hatch... Anyway, nice "I was wrong, so I'll just try and mock instead" comeback ;-)

Aye, if one were really tight and genuinely wasn't bothered about image, one'd probably buy a 1.6 Golf Convertible, LPG it and pocket the difference.

Where is Bob Sherunckle anyway? Oh, that's right, he's on holiday somewhere exotic. (c:

It's a different model - that logic suggests that buying an RS4 instead of an A4 is just buying an A4 with 'an option pack'. Although, the RS4 is also a chav special, shiny wheels indeed... Pfft!

Not quite - they just bolted a few Ripspeed bits and stickers onto yours to make a different trim level.

That is totally it. A trim level is an option pack, gotcha.

What are the Ripspeed bits as a matter of interest? To save your frantic Googling I'll list the differences here for you -

Stickers - which you have, brilliantly I might, already noted. They could be deleted as a no-cost option by the way. Recaro Seats Cup chassis (slightly lower and stiffer suspension set up) Factory Tinted rear windows - these must be awesome, because you always want them and refer to them as 'Pimp tints' for some reason. Plaque - Small plaque between the seats, showing the build number. I beleive the MP3 stereo was standard as well - but that might have been an option the previous owner picked on mine. Pretty sure it was standard in the F1 though.

There you go :-) I think maybe, hmmm, maybe the suspension is Ripspeed? Hmmm no that would make any 'Sport' model of another car a 'Ripspeed special'.... Oh and the wheels are dark anthracite instead of Silver - that's part of the Cup chassis, is that bad? No wait, you were getting the bigger, part anthracite wheels on the Volvo something or other you were

*definately* ordering before HR said you couldn't - so it can't be that. Can't be the stickers, because you said Ripspeed bits *and* stickers, or the tints because you get a wood over factory rear tints on the cars you're hoping the company won't decide you can't have as well... Must be the plaque? Is that it? Do I win...?

They don't disprove the theory though.

Weren't you looking at autos?

"Tim S Kemp" gurgled happily, sounding much like they were saying:

That's why he needs a rest for the foot that's missing a clutch. Simple.