OT The LARK Program

Department of Defense

Special Operations

THE LARK PROGRAM

A Lady wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay. She received back the following reply:

The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views all females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka

-- over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs". Wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially, your friend,

Hillary Klintoon

Reply to
Scott in Florida
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I'd suggest we have a 2 year trial period with the whiners in congress getting 4 or 5 apiece to properly acquaint the population on how to treat them.

After all, they know everything about everything else.

I wonder if their business cards show: experts in teenage birth control & abortions experts in warfare.

must be far more

Ron in California

Reply to
Ron

Well I've sent my share of blistering emails to the Congress people...

They are idiotic (both parties)....

Reply to
Scott in Florida

In Washington (DC) is must be an idiocy requirement to be in Congress, or else they become idiots as soon as they take their first breathe there.

One of my former co-workers is married to the sister of our local congressmen. He is a Republican but that is about as far as my praise for him goes. I must say he is smarter than DeLay was. (how is that for a glowing testimonial?)

I see Nancy got her plane so she can fly family, staff and others home to California for the weekends. Wonder what she/family will pay. Grab our ankles?

Ron in California

Reply to
Ron

We just had a very close election. I think there were 600 votes between the Dim and the Republican. That is NOT normal in this county. Anyway, the Dim lost and is suing...LOL

I didn't care much for the Republican, but I sure as hell didn't want the idiotic liberal.

sooooooooooo

I had to vote for the lessor of two evils.....

Reply to
Scott in Florida

Have you noticed what Florida's doing with its voting machines?

Reply to
JoeSpareBedroom

Nancy pee gets her own plane??

Reply to
dbu,.

Have you noticed it's past your bedtime.

Reply to
dbu,.

Why are you even in a part of the thread you know nothing about? You don't read or listen to news. You know that.

Reply to
JoeSpareBedroom

It's not Joe's bedtime. He's missing his evening electoshock therapy.

Charles of Schaumburg

Reply to
n5hsr

Yep, Nancy the P wheeled/dealed a plane from the DOD to fly her non-stop home. Wants it also to be on-call for her staff and family last I heard.

She had to have bigger plane cause the one Hastert used would have to land/refuel - can't waste her time with fueling.

Wanna bet she'll want another plane for an armored limo like the prez has next?

Has the first hour of the 100 hours passed yet? Still waiting for all this important stuff to get done.

Ron in Ca

Reply to
Ron

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