It's a 2000 car, and it should go like the clappers. However, it doesn't. It's hard to put into words the exact malaise, but I'll have a go:
When started cold, it's almost lumpy, and extra unresponsive. When it's warmed up, putting your foot down results in a noticeable lag (can be a couple of seconds), then usually it gets moving and changes down.
Putting your foot down "properly" i.e. slamming it down and activating the kickdown switch usually results in a lag during which nothing much happens, then a massive jerk as it suddenly changes down and gets going. Most of the time, a second after that, it loses most of its power, the ESP and BAS lights come on, and the car seems to be in some sort of limp-home mode, you certainly can't drive it properly. Switching the ignition off and then the engine back on clears the fault and one may proceed on one's way.
It's recently been serviced, and the mechanic said there was a fault code for a misfire, but he couldn't work out why, so he reset it and said see how it goes. Well, it's crap again, and I'm not about to give the car back to him. Anyone got any ideas about getting to the root of the problem, or alternatively an uber-knowledgeable person in Herts / NW London who knows these cars backwards and will be able to sort it?
I had some mad idea about the MAF, but I'm not about to go replacing expensive parts on a whim, plus does it not raise a fault code when it's broken?