I hate Landrovers Particularly P38As Very distinctly 4.6 HSEs I could give you a VIN number here....
OK it had me for a new engine after the stupid liner slip self inflicted problem. And the Electronic Air Suspension is as reliable as Windows 95 on a bad day... ..and has been for nearly two months despite all the dealers work.
But this morning I got up at half past three. Now I'm not in my best form this early so the problems aren't quite as obvious to the poor little brain but I'm supposed to be picking a friend up at 5.30
50 miles north of here to go a further 130 miles for a days diving. The kit is piled in the hall and all I need is the car.The battery has gone flat. It was OK on Tuesday and it's built like a pallet of bricks but it's gone flat. The security computer is not getting enough volts to think straight, has lost the plot and is looking for a fight. I'm the patsie.
I point the key at it and push the button. It ignores me. I'm a little perplexed but I've seen it before so I put the key in the lock and turn it. That unlocks the drivers door so the computer locks it again. And again. And again. The chug-chug-chug of the door locks making sure they are locked begins to register with me but I don't realise it is out to get me yet and think it has just still upset about the key that went in the swimming pool.
Unlock and snatch the door open. Door opens but the alarm goes. Panic. It is
4am and my neighbours probably have lives that will not be improved by this. Turning they key in the lock doesn't do anything so I shut the door and hope. After an eternity it shuts up.So I grovel about for the manual disarm instructions. I find them and go through the procedure. It ignores me and then says 'Keycode lockout' on the dash. But I've only done it once and I'm sure I did it OK???
Slowly it dawns on me that maybe things are a bit sluggish and the lights aren't too bright so maybe the battery is down. Walk back home, only about a hundred yards, for a volt-meter and spanners et. al.
We play locking and unlocking doors for a bit with various amounts of alarm and get the bonnet up and read 7 volts. Rude words are said.
The portable battery with built in jump-start cables is in the back. Can I unlock the tail gate? No way. So it is a clamber over the front seats and lean over the back to pull the parcel shelf thing open despite the tailgate being on it and get it out. Jump the battery.
'Keycode lockout'. It is now running at 12 volts but it remembers things. Finally I leave the bonnet up with the jumper box attached and retreat to lick wounds. It is now 5am so I ring the guy I'm meeting and tell him to go back to bed.
I am standing by the car, half an hour later when the 'Keycode lockout' finally goes out. I go through the sequence to switch things on.Horary it all works.
Switch off. Remove the jump box so I can reconnect the battery. chug-chug-chug. No No. It's the seven volts effect. Put the jump box back. 'Keycode lockout'. Cry.
So now I am back in the house. The battery in on charge and the jump box is supporting the electrics so the 30 minute penalty time expires.. In a few minutes I will take the battery with 30mins at 5A in it back. Hopefully it will manage to give me 12V and keep things going and let the jump box start things but I'm not counting any chickens.
If I post a follow-up this evening it worked. If I post this morning it didn't. If late this evening/tomorrow it had me again but far from home. If never I have been arrested for pouring petrol in it and torching it by the curbside and am detained for my own protection awaiting psychiatric reports.
nigelH